Friday, February 16, 2007

No big deal.


Backdated entry: (feb 12. 2007)

Matutulog na dapat ako kaya lang hindi ako dinadalaw ng antok. Dahil dyan, hindi ko tuloy napigilan ang sarili kong mag-isip ng mga bagay-bagay habang nakahiga sa kama at naghihintay na makatulog. Hindi ko na rin napigilang malungkot dahil sa mga tumatakbo sa utak ko. Ang dami kong inakala. I thought it was just a phase pero hindi naman pala. Mejo nahirapan ako icontain lahat ng sad thoughts kaya kahit na alas dos y medya na ng umaga, bumangon pa rin ako para ilabas ang mga nararamdaman ko. Kahit gaano pa kabaduy o kahit gaano pa ka-BITTER ang mga saloobin ko, ano naman? Meron pa bang may pakialam? Corny man at kacheapan, naisip ko lang kasi, mahirap pala talaga ang magmahal. Kung sabagay, meron pa bang madaling gawin sa mundong ibabaw? Mga opinion ko lang naman ito.

Mahirap magmahal ng MATALINO. Kailangan palagi kang may nakahandang dahilan para maintindihan ka nya. Dapat may dahilan kung bakit mo sya mahal, kung bakit ka humihingi ng tawad, o kung bakit ka ganyan.

Pero mahirap din magmahal ng TANGA. Kasi kahit gaano mo ipilit na ipaintindi at isaksak sa kokote nya ang mga bagay-bagay, siguradong hindi ka rin nya maiintindihan kasi nga, tanga eh.

Mahirap magmahal ng INSENSITIVE. Kahit iparamdam mo na handa kang ibuwis ang lahat para sa kanya, hindi rin nya mapapansin. Pangalawa, hindi nya alam na sobrang nasasaktan ka na dahil sa mga ginagawa nya.

Pero mahirap din magmahal ng SENSITIVE. Kaunting kibot mo lang eh magiinarte na. Kahit walang dapat ikabahala, sobrang hysterical na. Kahit na simpleng mga bagay lang, pinapalaki pa ang problema.

Mahirap magmahal ng TAHIMIK. Hindi mo malalaman kung ano ang gusto nyang mangyari. Hindi sya magsasabi kung ano ang tunay na nararamdaman nya. Higit sa lahat, hindi mo maririnig galing sa kanya kung gaano na sya nasasaktan.

Pero mahirap din magmahal ng MADALDAL. Maririnig mo lahat-lahat sa kanya, maski mga bagay na hindi na dapat marinig ay sinasabi pa rin nya. Hindi maiiwasang masabihan ka ng mga masasakit na salita na makakapagbaba sa self-esteem mo.

Mahirap magmahal ng SELOSA. Nakakasakal yun dahil hindi ka malaya gumalaw at makisalamuha sa ibang tao, lalo na kasama ang mga babae mong kaibigan. Kaunting closeness lang eh pagseselosan na kaagad at bibigyan ng malisya.

Pero mahirap din magmahal ng HINDI SELOSO. Kapag nagmahal ka ng hindi seloso, hindi nya alam yung pakiramdam ng pagseselos kaya napakadali lang sa kanayng sabihin sa iyong, “wag ka na magselos.” Hindi mo rin mararamdaman yung kilig kapag alam mong nagseselos sya.

Mahirap magmahal ng MAPRIDE. Kahit na alam na nyang mali sya, hirap na hirap pa rin mag-apologize. Mahirap para sa kanya ang magpakumbaba at kung magpapakumbaba man, isusumbat at isusumbat pa rin sa iyo.

Mahirap din magmahal ng WALANG PRIDE. Hindi ko alam kung bakit. Wahaha.

Mahirap magmahal ng FLIRT kasi hindi mo masisiguradong ikaw lang yung finiflirt nya. Malay mo, pati ibang tao nageenjoy sa kanya, dba?

Pero mahirap din magmahal ng HINDI FLIRT. Wala sigurong thrill yung ganun. Pero at least, alam mong hindi nanglalandi ng ibang tao, dba?

Mahirap magmahal ng MALIBOG. Bukod sa nakakailang, nakakafrustrate malaman na sa ibang tao nya nisatisfy ang tawag ng laman dahil hindi mo maibigay sa kanya yung gusto nya.

Pero mahirap din magmahal ng HINDI MALIBOG. Aba, nakakatigang daw yung ganun eh. Wahahaha! Tama ba ang iniisip ko?

Mahirap magmahal ng BATA. Para kang may inaalagaang anak. Dito na rin papasok ang mga salitang “childish” at “immature” dahil nga isip bata yung kinakasama mo. Maiinis ka lang palagi dahil hindi magtutugma yung mga gusto nyo sa buhay.

Pero mahirap din magmahal ng MATANDA. Bukod sa mahirap sabayan ang trip, masyado ring malalim kung mag-isip. Makaluma at old fashioned pa kaya lalong mahirap pakisamahan.

Mahirap magmahal ng MAHILIG UMAASA. Mahirap kasi imeet ang expectations ng ganung tao. Marami syang inaasahang mga bagay na mahirap ibigay at gawin. Kadalasan, nakakapressure ibigay ang mga demands at expectations nya.

Pero mahirap din magmahal ng MAHILIG MAGPAASA. Hindi mo kasi alam kung ano ang dapat isipin. Yung mga inaakala mong ipinapakita nya, hindi pala dapat bigyan ng ibang kahulugan dahil hindi naman pala kayo pareho ng iniisip. Mabibigo ka lang din.

Alam ko marami pang pwedeng idagdag sa mga nabanggit ko pero iisa lang naman ang tinutumbok ng lahat ng iyan, na talagang mahirap nga talaga ang magmahal.

Pero ang pinakamahirap sa lahat ay ang katotohanang isang yakap at halik lang ay handa ka na ulit na tanggapin lahat ng paghihirap para sa minamahal mo.

PAMBIHIRA dba? Pero ganun lang talaga ang pagmamahal, kailangan mo munang masaktan bago sumaya. At sa bawat ngiti at tawa, meron ding mga luha at paghihirap.

Nasa tao lang naman yan eh. Dahil na rin sa mga personal na naranasan ko, naniniwala na akong love is not purely about destiny. It is also about the choices we make. Sabi nga sa quote na pinadala sa akin ni shaine dati:

“Scientists found out that romantic love involves chemical changes in the brain that last 12-18 months. After that, you and your partner are on your own. Love can absolutely last for a lifetime as desired to be maintained. MEANING, IT’S BOTH YOUR CHOICE.”

BOTTOM LINE:
It will last if you know how to commit.

Gayun pa man, naniniwala rin akong EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. Kaya kung ano man ang mga choices na pinagpilian namin, alam kong may rason kami sa pagpili ng mga desisyong iyon, at may rason kung bakit kailangan mangyari sa amin kung anuman ang nagyrai. Maaaring may ibang mas magandang mangyayari dahil sa mga desisyon na iyon. Maaaring may ibang destiny na nakalaan para sa bawat isa sa amin.

Ayan, ok na ako.

TIME TO MOVE ON NA NGA TALAGA.
TIME TO STOP CRYING.
TIME TO FORGET ABOUT "US"
TIME TO FORGET ABOUT THE USED TO BES
TIME TO FORGET YOU
TIME FOR POSITIVE CHANGES
AND, TIME TO SLEEP. hehe!

so what?!

February 14 was very celebrated that every restaurant in Marquinton was filled with couples, cliques, and families. I was there, not with a significant other [because i obviously don't have one], not with my friends, but with my mom and my sister.

My valentine's Day started very early. Surprising as it is, i woke up at around 7 a.m., which is very unusual for a "tulog-mantika" like me. That day, I decided to start reading the assigned articles for poldy. After reading five pages of the first article, i stopped and pondered. Then I thought, it's time for me to have a better cellphone in terms of function. So, i immediately texted my very irritating and user-friendly yet trusty best friend to accompany me to riverbanks to have my phone sold and to buy a better phone. By better, i mean, a phone that i can use not for luxury's sake but for necessity's. And so, i ended up buying a Nokia 6610 since Raymond insisted that i buy that model. And yeah, i'm quite satisfied not considering that fact that i really really want an Nseries phone or a v3x. nyahaha!

It was a good thing Raymond didn't plan anything special for his girlfriend. At least, I had company at riverbanks and for Vday as well. It was only yesterday that i found out how addicted to KFC's gravy Raymond is. "Binabahog" talaga nya yung gravy sa kanina nya. Tinalo naman ang kaadikan ko. nyahaha. I once again enjoyed riding his motorcycle though I scold him at times for speeding up. It was fun riding a motorcycle. I get to see the road well, feel the wind on my face, and avoid traffic. Dakilang singitero kasi si Raymond eh. wahaha!

He went home at around 3 and took my green, fake lacoste pouch. Now, our digicam doesn't have a pouch. I'm using my mom's jumbo purse and it looks ridiculous. haha!

At around 7, mama and i headed to marquinton to have a celebration of valentine's day and of meagan's passing of the battery exam. yes!

MY SISTER PASSED THE BATTERY EXAM! and i'm so proud of her! i'm a proud sister! wuhoooooo! ;p

I'm really very happy for her. She made our parents very proud and happy. But on her part, passing the battery exam wasn't that exciting at all and i understand how she feels. Meagan has problems with making friends. This college, it's an achievement for her to have two very close friends in school--Rinzy and Marianne. Unfortunately, both Rinzy and Marianne didn't make it to pass and they are recommended to take another course. This would mean that on her third year in colege, mogs will be left with no close friends. I feel sorry for my sister because i definitely know how it feels to be alone, and it's not fun. I just hope she'll make new friends and I hope her studies won't be that affected.

So yun nga, we were there for two reasons. Kaya naman we made the most out of the night. We ate dimsum at a Chinese Resto! Yehey! What's disappointing was the crew's service. Due to many customers, we were hardly accommodated well. Our orders were delayed and the rice was served to us just after we finished the viands halfway. I didn't quite enjoy the dinner. But being with my two girls made my vday AYOS!

i'll make sure my next vday will be spectacular. [haha, cge dez, ipilit mo!] ;p

i love mozilla firefox. may spelling check xa kapag nagtatype ako ng journal entries. ehehe.

Wednesday, February 7, 2007

Modem, MALAYA, Motorista, Magulo

All the while I thought I'm so great because i was able to reformat our PC all by myself. Hindi pala. I'm having problems with my internet connection. Maybe it's the modem which has a problem. That problem, I can't figure out.

Since Sunday, my internet connection has been terrible. Connected na ako sa net but Y!messenger can't log in. The same applies with my web browsers. Ayaw ng firefox at ie magopen ng kahit anong website. Ang weird talaga.

Miracle na lang yung nangyari today. Nakapagopen na rin ako sa wakas ng websites na gusto ko puntahan. Unfortunately, my Y!messenger is still not working. Bakit ganun? Naginstall naman na ako ng driver para sa modem. Parang hindi narerecognize nung messenger na connected nako. nakakainis. Pati yung AVG update hindi ko magawa kasi "there's a problem with your internet connection" DAW! badtrip.

WHY IS LIFE SO HARD ON ME? AM I NOT SPECIAL IN MY OWN WAYS? [bozar, 2k7]
HUHUHUHU ;c

haha, mga kadramahan eh noh? Anyway, ang dami ko gusto sabihin pero hindi ko alam kung panu. Mejo outdated na rin kasi karamihan ng mga kwento ko. The latest so far is the tiring application for internship a while ago. Though the activity exhausted me so much, i'm still grateful we were able to pass seven applications in one day. not bad.

Mr. Rivera of MALAYA: Why Malaya? [he was asking us why we chose to apply in Malaya]
ME: [blank]

God, that was traumatic. And intimidating. And humiliating. I can't believe we were so proud to affiliate ourselves with UST and manage toscrew up in just one UNEXPECTED question. HAAAYY. pasahan pa lang ng application yan, what more kung actual interview and work na? huhuhu. Arene tried to utter some words but Sir rivera didn't understand her and just responded with a, "huh?!" Good thing anne was able to think of an answer, "Sinusubok po kasi namin apply-an lahat."

Grabe, parang pang Miss Universe yung tanong. I really didn't know how to answer it but personally, I heard that Malaya is a good newspaper. Sir Aldaba even brought to class his everyday broadsheets and one of those is Malaya. Ayun. I also learned din na some of our seniors had their internship there kaya ayun, interesting lang.

I hate reckless drivers. Kanina, while anne, arene, madie and i were crossing the streets of dapitan, merong SUV na ang kapal ng mukhang hindi magslow down samantalang kitang-kita naman nyang school zone at maraming tumatawid. Sa lahat ng mga sasakyan na nandun, sya lang ang hindi huminto at hindi man lang binagalan yung takbo. hindi man lang nga bumusina para iwarn yung mga tao na ayaw nya magpatawid eh. ang kapal talaga ng mukha. sa sobrang inis ko, sinigawan ko sila. eh tamang tamang bukas yung mga bintana. sabi ko: EXCUSE ME PO!! the next thing i knew, huminto yung sasakyan at may sinisigaw yung driver. I didn't hear what he was saying. The most stupid thing he did? He pointed a dirty finger at me. GAGO sya. Bwisit. Kumulo talaga dugo ko sa kanya.

Sometimes, people tend to be so inconsiderate, conceited, selfish and insensitive. Simpleng diskurso na lang sa kalye, di pa magawa ng tama. Kabulukan talaga ng ugali oo. Kung nagkataong bumaba yung driver at inaway ako, isusumbong ko talaga sya sa mga pulis. Akala nya siguro may K na sya gumanun ganun dahi itim ang SUV nya. HMP! may araw din sya.

Kapag ako nagkaroon ng kotse, hindi ko rin sya patatawirin tulad ng ginawa nya sa amin. HMP tlga! ang sama sama sama sama niya. Bahala na si God magparusa sa kanya.


Kung gaano kagulo ang trapiko sa bansa, ganun din kagulo ang buhay ko. HARHAR! magandang transition dba? hhaayy. i can't explain how weird things are. Ang weird ko na nga rin ngayon eh. Simpleng weird things lang ang nagpapaiyak sa akin. Wahaha. Wala lang, lately kasi, things don't fall in their proper places for me. Palagi na lang palpak, may aberya, nakakainis, nakakalungkot, nakakaiyak, mahirap, nakakabaliw, nakakalito at nakakalugmok. Tulad nga ng lagi kong dinadrama kay madelaine, "GUSTO KO LANG NAMAN SUMAYA, IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?"

wahahaha. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!