Monday, July 16, 2007

A Lost Graduating Student [Reflection? nah]

I want to write about something but then I don't have something to write about in mind. If this is the case, then I'll have to write about writing.

I admit I'm not a good writer. I was not part of our school paper in high school. I was once forced to joined an essay writing contest but I didn't win. I am not a Varsitarian staffer. I don't have a broad vocabulary. And I still haven't mastered my grammar yet.

Why am I in JOURNALISM again?

I was too pressured the time I was filling out my college application forms. My parents were insisting that I take Nursing. But Nursing was not what I wanted to pursue that time. I thought I wanted to be a broadcaster so I chose Journalism. My second choice was to be a Mathematics teacher, just like Ma'am Mendoza, my Algebra teacher in high school that's why I chose Mathematics Major in Actuarial Science. The last option I wrote to fill the last blank in my UST application was Nursing.

Luckily, I passed all three courses. However, I was wait-listed in Nursing. Since I didn't like to take up Nursing, I told my mom it would hassle us big time to follow up such a case. Because of that lame excuse, Mama didn't bother about following up that course, so I ended up with Journalism.

I wouldn't deny I was one of those people who misconstrued Journalism as the course for people who want to be Broadcast Journalists. After a few months in my freshie years, I learned, I took up the wrong course. I should be in Communication Arts instead. I had no other choice but continue what I had began. Although Daddy wanted me to transfer to UP, I declined to do so because back then, I had a very special reason not to leave UST and Journalism. I also didn't want to burden myself and my parents for shifting to another course or to another school for that matter.

So, for the past three years, I struggled hard to survive writing and reading--two activities I'm not fond of doing. Now that I'm graduating, they are still activities I find difficult and tedious to do. But now, I'm quite acquainted with writing. By that, I mean, I'm no longer having a hard time expressing what I think in words.

Yes, I am graduating. And what I wanted back in high school quite changed. Seeing talkative and active people made me realize that broadcasting is not for me. But being a student of Ma'am Gotauco made me yearn even more to become an Algebra teacher.

I want to teach Algebra in AB. I want to be just like my three mathematics teachers--elegant, feminine, pretty, young, intelligent, and stable. Of all branches / kinds of Mathematics, Algebra is my cup of tea. I'm not really good in numbers, I only became interested with variables, constants, and exponents when Ma'am Mendoza became my teacher in 4th year HS.

Now I'm wondering if I can be what I want to be. Can I possibly be an Algebra teacher in AB even if I'm a Journalism graduate? Well, that's something to look forward to. For now, I have to deal with the pressure of proving my parents that I will not fail because I took Journalism instead of Nursing.

Mama: Deb, after ng graduation, ano naman ang trabaho mo?
Me: REPORTER. Not a broadcast reporter, but a NEWSPAPER reporter.

I was quite disappointed with my mom's remark: Parang napakawalang kwentang trabaho naman nun.

Well, Mama and Daddy have been very supportive of me but maybe she's right. Even my OJT trainer would agree to mama if he heard her. I, myself, do not believe I'll earn ample money with this profession. Then I thought, maybe I can study again and take a Masteral degree.

My Dad also agrees that I won't make it big in Journalism. Although he supports me with whatever undertaking I choose, he advised me to take up LAW after graduating.

Daddy: Alam mo anak, gusto ko talaga maging katulad ka ni ano eh--anu nga bang pangalan nun?
Me: Sino po?
Daddy: Sikat yun eh--si Elle Woods ba yun?
Me: Ah, yung sa Legally Blonde po?
Daddy: Oo, palagi ko napapanood yun dito eh.
Me: HEHE!

Yeah. Sometimes, my Dad is cute. But he has to understand I'm not an industrious student. He got the idea of me becoming a lawyer because I once told him about Djhay. If he'll come to think of it, he'll realize how great the gap between Djhay's intellect and mine. Sometimes I feel so guilty because my own father believes I'm a great student when in fact, I am not.

But then, I have to strive really hard not to fail my parents. Even at this very early point, I'm already pressured with their plans for me. They want me to work right after graduation so that I'll be of big help to my sister's schooling. While I'm working for my sister's education, Daddy, on the other hand, will work for our dream house. It' really a good plan, only it's so idealistic. I mean, how can a journalist pay for a would-be-nurse's tuition? If that would be the case, I'd apply for the position Costumer Service Representative as sideline. Haha. KIDDING!

But kidding aside, at the end of the day, the decision would still all be on me. I have to make up my mind as early as now so that by March, I'm off to being the "PANGANAY" my parents expect me to be--maaasahang tutulong sa pamilya.

Whatever decision I may arrive at, I hope I'd make it big. I want my parents to be proud of their JOURNALIST daughter.

As much as I would like to ignore the feeling that my parents have greater hopes from my sister [since she's taking up NURSING], the thought that she'll be well-paid still prevails. In fact, Mama and Daddy always mention Meagan's future abroad. I'm not jealous of Mogs. I just fear that my responsibility as the eldest daughter won't materialize because my younger sister is the one who provides much more.

Pero kahit anu pa man ang kahinatnan ko at ng kapatid ko sa hinaharap, alam kong mamahalin at susuportahan pa rin namin ang isa't-isa dahil kami ay isang PAMILYA.

5 comments:

  1. aaww.. too dramatic and i must say that this entry struck me.. at talagang nadamay pa pangalan ko dito ah? hehe.naku, dont look down on yourself. alam mo, its just a matter of believeing in yourself that you can do great and big things. remember, life's battles dont always go with the stornger or faster man, soon or late the man who wins is the man you thinks he can. in this journey called life, faith, persistence, determination and the will to carry on are among the important elements for us to survive. just have a balance dose of there things and it is not impossible for you to be successful in the future. dont think that you will earn much already after graduation, it takes time for the seed to sprout in the same way that it takes time for our stars to be reached. one step at at time and whenever oppurtunity knocks on your door, be sure you're not asleep to have let it pass by just like that. one day, someday, you'll realize that your choice of taking up the course you took is not wrong, if you just see in your heart that you can do great things out of journalism, there wouldn't be any problem.

    kaya mo yan, i believe in you! di ka kasi naniniwala sa akin, na magaling ka talagang sumulat. ive always been an admirer of your writing, and i always tell that to you. prove them wrong. you have the guts, you have the wits, you have the capacity of being successful and the person you envision yourself to be. :D

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  2. Naks naman. The famous "in the journey called life" line is used in the most perfect sense. Nyahaha. Salamat, salamat. Alam ko namang sinasabi mo yan para iboost ang aking confidence. HUGS!

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  3. ay nako, ang kulit mo talaga. i told you, i admire your writing.. :D no joke.

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  4. un un eh...
    nice one man...
    ayos sa banat..
    im sure my npangiti ka sa rply mo..

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