Saturday, July 24, 2010

Incest Love ♥

This is my two cents worth on the teleserye that is Endless Love: Autumn in My Heart. This Korean TV series is recently adopted by Pinoys. Though I love Song Hye Kyo, the female lead in the Korean version [I can't say the same for Marian Rivera of the Pinoy version], I still think its story line is quite twisted. I haven't really entirely watched any one episode of the Korean series and the Pinoy version is still running to date, but allow me to voice out my thoughts and raise a lot of questions.

From what I know, the two protagonists [Marian Rivera and Dingdong Dantes] grew up thinking they were siblings.  They were really close, but for the cruel reason that they weren't really siblings, they had to be separated from each other.  Dantes' family, including the real daughter [Nadine Samonte], migrated to the US and left Rivera with her real mother [Janice de Belen] in their hometown. When Dantes came home, he finds his "used-to-be-sister" and from there, their tragic love story begins.

Is it just me thinking that their love is already bordering to incest? There were actually some parts in the story wherein the brother, during the stage when they thought they were siblings, showed love to his sister in a different level. Can we consider that incest?

Yes, I understand that they aren't really related by blood, but doesn't the fact that they grew up as siblings kind of forbid that love? Is it possible in real life for brotherly or sisterly love to naturally develop into something romantic? or is it a deliberate act to develop such love into a whole new different level?

I know it's fiction, but what if life screws you that way for real? I mean, that's possible, right? What if life tells you in a cruel fashion that the person destined to you is your former brother or sister? Would you pursue such love?

My position on this, at first, was that they should not have let their relationship grow further and deeper. However, I thought, should I let others' expectations hinder me from loving the person destined to be a part of my life? Sigh. I don't know anymore. Hehe!

Friday, July 16, 2010

Meet Keke.

This is my new phone. Keke /kiː•kiː/ is a nickname I got from the phone model, Nokia 1661. I decided my phone should be a girl and inexpensive this time. Thus, the name and the phone model.  Though Keke is cheap and difficult to use, I know she'll be just like Till and will serve my needs just fine. I originally planned to name her after the prime suspect, but then I realized that I shouldn't associate her with bitter memories and just start fresh and happy ones instead. So everyone, say hi to Keke! :)

Today is a better day. It marks the start of this "in" thing called moving on. Though I haven't gotten Till back [yet], at least I learned that people were willing to help me; that they were cool with going through all the hassles just to be there for me in this trying time. I learned that I'm not alone in this fight against evil-doings.

The office atmosphere is kind of exciting, really. The concerned ones were trying to figure out and weave every detail, revealing the inner sleuths within them. We're actually hopeful that we'll get into the bottom of things and eventually retrieve my beloved phone or at least just discover who the culprit is.

It's sad that something like this happened inside our office. I just hope that it won't happen again and that I'll be his/her last victim. Again, I wish the culprit will be blessed by God with lots of blessing so that he/she won't have to do bad things ever again just to be able to satisfy his/her financial needs.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

In Loving Memory of Till

Today is a bad day. Till, my ever beloved and trusty mobile phone, was lost. I mindlessly left it in the pantry this afternoon. I was already out of the office when I realized that my phone's not with me. When I came back to the pantry, it was nowhere to be found. I'm not sure if it were stolen. If it was, I hope God blesses that person with overflowing graces so that he/she won't ever have to steal someone else's phone again in order to satisfy his/her financial needs. I thought the office was a safe place. This incident proved me wrong.

In a span of a year and nine months, Till and I shared a lot of memories together. He [Yes, he's a guy. He's a good substitute boyfriend. Till is short for Tilliphone.] was very patient with me. He untiringly captured my vanity photos. He documented my piano sessions and recorded the pieces I played. He dedicated his memory for my music and movies. He relentlessly played Twilight on his DivX player during the times when I was overly addicted to Edward Cullen. He stored my Twilight Saga e-books. He kept important files and documents for me. His built-in dictionary has gone a long way in helping me with my editing job. His internet kept me company during boring moments and saved me during times that I needed scholarly info. Till stayed with me during times of distress and never left me. However, today, someone took him away from me. My life will never be the same again.

I really value Till so much because he was a birthday/graduation gift from my Dad. Imagine his sentimental value. And for some reason, I managed to leave him alone that's why someone took him. I blame myself for being so absent-minded, but I won't give up unless I've done everything humanly possible to get him back. I hope the conscience of the person who took Till guides him/her to do the right thing.
To till, I'm sorry we have to be apart. But always remember that I loved you and that I won't ever forget every moment we shared. I'm gonna miss you, Till.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Ink and Its Connotations

Last night, I asked my mom what she thinks about tattoos. Her blatant disapproval didn't surprise me. I just don't understand why she and others think of tattoos as negative marks. Why do they categorically conclude that inked people are bad people?

Then, Mama continued by saying inked people can't donate blood and help people in need. I argued that they actually can after a few years of having the tattoo. My RN sister can attest to that.

Having a tattoo is an item in my bucket list. I believe it's an expression of oneself. I still haven't thought of a brilliant tattoo idea, though. I want a star on my wrist, but then a lot of people have that already. My classmate in English 117 already has that. Too bad. I also want to have one after marriage so my husband and I could have complimenting emblems that would represent our love. Yes, I'm that cheesy. However, this item would have to stay in the bucket longer since I'm still living under one roof as my mom. So till then, I'll keep my skin ink-free.

I am aging and so are you.

I'm sorry to burst your bubble, but yes, you are getting old too. And whether we like it or not, all of us are a year closer to our respective finish lines. I'm not being morbid, just saying!

Katie Holmes, some 30-40 years from now.

This entry reminds me of the part in New Moon where Bella tells Edward that her aging is not something they should celebrate. I am 22 and why am I talking about this depressing topic called "aging" again?

I've been recently realizing that I'm no longer a kid. And though I still do skip while walking, talk like a kid, reason like a toddler, watch cartoons, and cling to my dear loved ones like a baby, the fact remains: I'm not getting any younger. Here are a few signs:

I'm now unlearning the "wannabe pose" because I think it's not fit for old people. [For the lack of a better term, let's just call it "wannabe pose" to serve the purpose of this entry.] I get humiliated every time I catch myself in this pose. I realized, it's awkward for a damulag like me to pose that way. Why did I ever learn to pose that way, anyway, highway? But yes. If I want my colleagues and future kids to respect me, I should really unlearn that pose--the sooner, the better. If you're 22-ish or older, I think you should unlearn it too because we're no longer in high school / college. I don't know. Maybe it's just me, but this pose equals childishness and "pacuteness." Dez at 22 is NOT cute. She's mature and gorgeous. Ha!

My friends and I no longer discuss petty things during meet-ups. Now, we're talking about our dream weddings. I now like the idea of people close to me getting married and settling down. For some reason, kinikilig ako para sa kanila. I feel happy for them because, finally, they have found their right match.

Just a few days back, my officemate and I fondly planned her dream wedding. She wanted a "forest wedding" on a rainy day. She thought light rain would make the event even more romantic. Of course the dresses of the entourage would have to be rain-proof and that's one challenging part. She has to find a designer who can work on the dresses and pay that designer a humongous amount. The most challenging part, though, would have to be finding the safest and the nearest forest for the wedding.

I'm looking forward to attending a wedding. It's good to witness two people prove the world that their love is worth God's blessing. Most especially, I'm looking forward to my own wedding. I'm sure it's going to be perfect. Cheesy! ♥

Some [if not most] of my batch mates already have a family, no thanks to premarital sex.Ü Though they started their families at a very young age, of course, their new dispositions in life have to be like that of mature moms and dads.

One time, I decided to check out my ex's family. I found it weird browsing through the pictures of his children. And though it may sound awkward, I'm really happy for him. He already has the "joys" of his life and I thought he played his part as a father well.

I'm imagining how my children would look like. I'm confident about my genes; I used to be really adorable when I was a baby. My hubby's genes, though, uuhhmm... [Haha. Peace, handsome! That was a joke.]

Money matters stress me. When I was younger, only my mom dealt with problems regarding money. She wouldn't be able to sleep, thinking how she'll budget dad's meager padala. I used to dislike my mom for not buying me the things I want, but I understand her now.

Like my mom, I now worry about our bills and expenses because it is actually my responsibility to provide for the family especially since Daddy can no longer send us money regularly. It's really tough to be a grown up. Ah! The responsibilities.

When I was kid, the future seemed to be a really, really long way ahead. Now that I'm a grown-up, it's like a few days ahead and a couple of steps forward na lang. The days pass by so fast. The next thing I know, I already have gained a lot of weight and grown gray hair.

I could go on counting the signs that I'm getting old. But since I have limited vocabulary and my writing is only up to this level, let me end this entry by saying: It's funny how we all wanted to grow up fast when we were little. It's quite cruel for life to make us grow fast during times when we least want another wrinkle. Now that we've got what we wanted, we wish to turn back time and return to just being kids again--when the only thing we worried about is our choice of candy flavor. A cliche, right?

Saturday, July 3, 2010

What Drives You?

I came up with this stubborn entry because I'm trying to reason  with myself. This is because lately, I feel like I'm losing my drive--my drive to work, to study, to excel. It's usually not difficult for me to perform well, especially if I like what I am doing. In the past months, however, I can't seem to find the motivation to work hard. Then I dug deep, thinking of things which may motivate me to start excelling again. 

Is it money? I'd like to say no and proudly say that money is not everything. But then again, that'd be hypocritical. I have this principle in life that I should do whatever it is that I love doing; that my passion should be top priority; and that financial gains are only secondary. However, I'd be lying if I'll say I can turn my back on big bucks and just pursue my so-called passion, because in all honesty, money is what I need and want. I have these fancy dreams for my self, my family, and my future which remain DREAMS because of the lack of money. Perhaps this stagnation of my dreams contributed to my lagging performance. What's the point of working hard anyway, if you can't even reward yourself after working long hours? It's becoming tiring and frustrating. And  eventually, the passion begins to be just "work."

Is it just all about money, then? Maybe, but I think it's also about appreciation--appreciation that translates to a pat on the back with a complimentary salary raise. Haha. But yeah, seriously. After two years in the workforce, my friends are now earning twice or maybe even ten times as much as my current salary. Now, tell me, how much do I suck? Is this because they're working harder than I do? I think I'll disagree on that because I know I've been extending working hours and bringing home work. Though these extra efforts are rewarded by pats on the back, come on, where's fairness in that? How does one find motivation in that set-up?

Or maybe, the problem is not the lack of money. Maybe I'm earning enough; I'm just being too ambitious and too stubborn and too demanding. Or maybe I'm in the wrong place. I have actually considered transferring to  bigger companies, but my love and "malasakit" for my current company still prevails.

I dream of becoming rich someday. But for now, I think I should first continue doing what I love and just wait for the fruits of my labor. I'll give it another year. And when I still haven't found that growth and appreciation, perhaps it'd be time to move to greater heights. By that time, I guess I will no longer be tied to utang na loob and malasakit. After all, a girl can pursue her dream, right?