Saturday, July 3, 2010

What Drives You?

I came up with this stubborn entry because I'm trying to reason  with myself. This is because lately, I feel like I'm losing my drive--my drive to work, to study, to excel. It's usually not difficult for me to perform well, especially if I like what I am doing. In the past months, however, I can't seem to find the motivation to work hard. Then I dug deep, thinking of things which may motivate me to start excelling again. 

Is it money? I'd like to say no and proudly say that money is not everything. But then again, that'd be hypocritical. I have this principle in life that I should do whatever it is that I love doing; that my passion should be top priority; and that financial gains are only secondary. However, I'd be lying if I'll say I can turn my back on big bucks and just pursue my so-called passion, because in all honesty, money is what I need and want. I have these fancy dreams for my self, my family, and my future which remain DREAMS because of the lack of money. Perhaps this stagnation of my dreams contributed to my lagging performance. What's the point of working hard anyway, if you can't even reward yourself after working long hours? It's becoming tiring and frustrating. And  eventually, the passion begins to be just "work."

Is it just all about money, then? Maybe, but I think it's also about appreciation--appreciation that translates to a pat on the back with a complimentary salary raise. Haha. But yeah, seriously. After two years in the workforce, my friends are now earning twice or maybe even ten times as much as my current salary. Now, tell me, how much do I suck? Is this because they're working harder than I do? I think I'll disagree on that because I know I've been extending working hours and bringing home work. Though these extra efforts are rewarded by pats on the back, come on, where's fairness in that? How does one find motivation in that set-up?

Or maybe, the problem is not the lack of money. Maybe I'm earning enough; I'm just being too ambitious and too stubborn and too demanding. Or maybe I'm in the wrong place. I have actually considered transferring to  bigger companies, but my love and "malasakit" for my current company still prevails.

I dream of becoming rich someday. But for now, I think I should first continue doing what I love and just wait for the fruits of my labor. I'll give it another year. And when I still haven't found that growth and appreciation, perhaps it'd be time to move to greater heights. By that time, I guess I will no longer be tied to utang na loob and malasakit. After all, a girl can pursue her dream, right?

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