Saturday, August 7, 2010


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We all have faces to show and protect. A probable face is one of a kikay sosyalera*. Of course, once she has projected her face to the public, she can never switch to another face; she has to be consistent with her public image. But what if her face contradicts her true self? I mean, a face doesn't necessarily reflect one's true personality, right?

Let's say this kikay sosyalera often brags about her branded possessions. That'll be normal right? Since she's sosyal, she must only own expensive items and only be in fabulous places. However, what if her friends find kinks about this face of hers? Let's say, her friends found out her items aren't really authentic and that she also shops at thrift-stores and that she does not personally finance her trips. What does that imply about her true personality? Her friends may probably start to doubt the things she claims and feel awkward about her. Her face, therefore, did not work for her. It only put her to a state which is unfavorable to her.

Another face is one of a cool good girl**. Let's say this girl is not really seen in public smoking since she has maintained a good girl  image, but then one gimmick night, she decided that she wanted to appear to be really very cool in front of cooler people. So she brings a case of cigarettes and puts it in her pocket. When it was time to go, she "accidentally" dropped the case, making the cooler people see her stash of cigars. Definitely, the cooler people would react since they did not expect little ms. good girl to be smoking. She enjoys the attention given to her by the cooler people, but what does that act mean to a friend who knows she hates smoke, be it tambucho-smoke or side smoke?

I don't really know about the face people perceive of me. All I know is that I am most of the time myself and that isolated downfalls do not completely define me. I know I am tamad, irresponsible, and insecure. I'm not ashamed of those characteristics. I'm also not ashamed to say that I'm not a  "horrendous" boyfriend stealer; that I am not a manipulative bitch; that I try not to make jokes at others' expense; that I am not a user; that I am not mean especially to my friends; that I try to keep friends' secrets as best I can; that I am not a cheating girlfriend; and that I do not think too highly of myself. Some people may not agree on me with these but this is how I perceive myself and this is the face I am trying to wear consistently.

I think it is okay to put on a face as long as one can hold up to it and be convincing about it. However, for me, the most important thing is still keeping one's true personality. After all, if you are really proud of who you are in the first place, then you won't have to pretend to be something and wear a face. The point is, if you are going to present and own a certain face, at least make sure that it jives with who you are, with your environment,  and with your resources. Don't let others find holes in your facade. And if you can't do that, then just be the real you.

My point of this entry, perhaps, is that it is more important to prioritize one's true self than project faces which others will adore and glorify because chances are, this face might get tainted and in the end, you'll not know which version of you will work for your betterment.

  *This is a purely hypothetical face.
**Another purely hypothetical face.

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