Thursday, September 2, 2010

Loser me.

I wish we could just go back to these days when all we had was just each other--no complications, no hurting, no brods and chicks, just you [my tabachoy] and me [your angel]. I wish we could just go back to these days when all you needed was me.
hehe.. nakasakay n ako ng lrt.. wala lang.. nanakatuwa lang.. pero nakatayo ako kanina.. pero okei lang, ksama ko naman si dhez eh... so no regrets talaga... ayon.. nakakatuwa kc nga for ages eh ngayon n lang ukit ako nakasakay sa lrt.. tapos tinuruan din pala ako nina madie nd arene kung panu kumuha nung card.. wala lang... tapos un, pumunta kami ng angel ko sa may gateway and she pointed me the place where madie was called sir... hehe.. ayon, lakad lakad lang... tapos we ate.. at hindi kami sa mismong gateway kumain.. hehe.. doon kmi sa mat mcdonalds.. lumabas pa talga eh.. ayon un na ang nakakatuwa.. nakakatuwang panooring kumain si dhez.. ang daming menerisms.. parang carabao... parang owl... parang bata... tapos hilig pang gumalaw ng ulo nya... hehe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! every bite eh gumagalaw, every sip ng drink, gumagalaw p rin... and sobrang liliit ng bites nya, tuloy natunaw p ung mcflurry nya.. basta ang masasabi ko lang talaga eh nakakatuwa!!!!!! un lang.. wala na... hehe... basta i love this day!!!!!!!!!!! nagparade p pla kmi kaninang morning kc start n nung abv week sa school namin.. and our classmates were rteally really wild... kaya naging masaya nd nakakatuwa.. un na... basta this day became so memeorable because of someone named dhez...
I wish we could go back to the days when all that ever mattered to you was to excel in school because you don't want to be a failure and because you want to make your mother proud. I wish we could be like this again because I'm hurting too much and I can't help but wish we're as happy as we were during these days.
the reason why im grade conscious....
i have a scholarship to maintain and protect... i need to earn high grades in order to maintain my scholarship, which helps us a lot, financially of course.. with my scholarshio, my mother will no longer think as to where she will get the money needed for my enrollment, which as we all know is really a large sum.. i don't want to fail my mother,, i don't want to make her upset and depressed.. i love her so much that i will do and give all my best just to meet her espectations.. she gives everything i ask her and the only way to pay her in return is for me to study hard and maintain the scholarship i have, which makes her really proud of me..
another reason is, i dont want to fail myself!!! i have set myself high standards so i have to meet those standards.. since im the one who sets my goals, i should be able to realize them so as not to upset myself, not to hurt my ego and not to degrade my own esteem... thats why whenever i get low grades, i easily get frustrated, i easily get depressed... but then, because of my favorite poem, i learn to stand up again and continue life as if nothing had happened and continue reaching my goals through the standards i have set for myself.. in doing these, im boosting my esteem and my ego.. im increasing my selfworth, so as to be courageous enough in facing and surpassing all the struggles that hinder me from getting into my pedestal.. ahaha!! parang walang connection!!

Waking up hurts a lot each time because I know that no matter how hard I wish that this is just a nightmare, it will never come true. And the worst part is, I still love you so much ;c

4 comments:

  1. let's talk one of these days :) we love you dez!

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  2. Dez, I've been through that pain and I know how painful it is to have your whole future wiped-out just like that. I prayed na wala na sa mga taong kilala ko ang makakaranas niyan. I really want to help. If there is anything I can do, just let me know.. Lilibre ka namin ng coffee ni Shelly or something... we do love you Dez.. the most important thing you need to do right now is love yourself and survive..

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  3. fads, maraming salamat. i mapped out my future with him and it scares me so much na di na mangyayari yung future na yun ;c hug. sobrang sakit lang. salamat sa concern at pakikiramay. alam nyo naman siguro kung gano ko sya kamahal.

    ReplyDelete

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