Saturday, November 26, 2011


Dear Juliet,

Maybe I've gone too far in proclaiming how happy I am with my current physical and emotional state. Be it jokingly or deliberately, I always affirm my "happiness," "beauty," and "sexiness" in my blog entries. My purpose for these affirmations are personal, not for bragging purposes. I just believe that there is nothing wrong with believing in yourself. Or well, maybe I'm too vain that I don't realize that I'm becoming self-absorbed.

Anyway, I'd love it if my friends begin believing how beautiful they are. I won't mind it if they start proclaiming how great they feel about themselves. Susuportahan ko pa sila, because love begins within oneself. There is nothing wrong with loving oneself.

Ngayon, kung merong mga nasusuka na sa proclamations ko sa blog ko, you are always free to leave.

Hoping. Waiting. Believing.
Happidezz on mobile

Thursday, November 17, 2011

On Compliments

Dear Juliet,

I wasn't very good in receiving compliments before. In fact, I used to become uncomfortable when people compliment me and give me too much attention. Only recently did I learn to quit the pagpapakipot, "Naku, hindi naman masyado" and simply say "Thank you" when given compliments. Now, I've realized how much fun it is to bask in the pool of attention.

But it's a different story when the compliments given to you are out of hand. Take these for example.

1. The creepy compliment.
At the gym, my friends and I are fond of calling one another "sexy" because that's how we motivate one another. Once, this known manyak instructor came up to me and whispered close to my ears, "Ang sexy mo na ah." That was really creepy in a rapist kind of way. I felt his breath in my ears. Creepy. And disgusting too.

I don't know why, but there are people who are experts in giving creepy compliments. You know, people who, no matter how wholesome the conversation is, manage to slip manyak remarks.

2. The jologs compliment.
I know I'm not the most beautiful girl. I'm not the sexiest girl either. But I really, really hate it when guys on the street (mga tambay, manginginom, rugby boy, mekaniko, driver, kundoktor, guards, etc.) express their compliments in the most jologs manner (sipol, the creepy stare, "psst," "hi miss," "sexy," etc.) It's irritating. I feel disrespected whenever I get those. Sometimes, it's also really scary especially at night to encounter such kinds of compliments.

3. The insincere compliment.
I don't really need to be bribed with compliments just so I'd do a task for a particular person. What's more upsetting is the fact that a person is only complimenting me because he/she needs something. Labas sa ilong, much?

4. The awkward compliment.
I've had a lot of these. Like for example, we were swimming one chilli night in Boracay. We were having fun when a drunk workmate approached and said to me just out of the blue: "I like you eh. Sorry ha? But I like you." It's awkward, because, well. He was drunk. He's a lot older than I am, and married. I didn't see it coming. He's not my type. He's definitely not my type--maybe that makes it awkward.

Another example is one from a gym mate. He offered to give me a ride home after a night of drinking. He started asking if I had a boyfriend. When I said I had none, he started saying, "Bakit wala? Kung ako lang, binata, naku! Ano ba naman yang mga binatang yan! Eh ang ganda mo kaya? Pero alam mo, mas maganda ka pag nakapusod, mas neat." Okay, that's coming from a 50-year-old family man. Though I like him because he's really kind and harmless, how does one react to that, really? I heard crickets after he uttered those words. LoL!

5. The overly sincere compliment.
I don't like receiving these kinds of compliments. These usually are from suitors. You know those mushy, serious compliments? I'm not comfortable with those, especially when I am not interested with the person giving it to me. Aside from the discomfort, I also have to think of a nice way to turn down the guy. So there's no "win" for me in such situations.

Why am I complaining? After all, compliments are compliments, no matter how off they are delivered. Sus, wag ka na ngang maarte, Dez!

Hoping, waiting, believing.
★ Happidezz

Monday, November 7, 2011

Me, My Sister, and a Web Cam

Dear Juliet,

I am more vain compared to my sister. I got my vanity from my Dad. One time, my dad commented on my wacky photo on Facebook: "Anak, bakit mo ba dinidistort and mukha mo? Pumapangit ka. Ayusin mo naman kasi madami makakakita niyan." Apparently, my father is not familiar with WACKY photos. If my dad sees these photos, he'd ask me to take them down right away. Haha. 

It's just fun to laugh at ourselves once in a while. You know, nakakasawa namang lagi na lang akong maganda. Mabuti na ring may mapipintas ang mga tao sakin. Baka sabihin nila napaka-perfect ko naman. Wahahahaha! ;p Laban ka sa confidence ko? ;p

Taken at Burger King. Epileptic me.

At BK again.

Dulinggerzi. Achieve!

Pambahay. While doing my terminal paper.

Sundot pwet.

Halik pwet.


Closer: Naka-manicure yung multo.

Hoping, waiting, believing.
★ Happidezz

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Boracay 2011 Part 2: Habagat Season, Day 1

Dear Juliet,

I've been meaning to write about my Boracay trip last August, but I always fail to fight the laziness to do so. So after two months, here it is--my Boracay trip during the habagat season :)

For this year, we went to Boracay for our company outing. I was expecting this trip to be as awesome as my trip last summer. I expected Boracay to be the same place it was in April. But upon arriving at Royal Park Hotel (same hotel we stayed in before), I got really upset. Boracay is so different. First, the sea is not as calm as it was last summer--HIGH TIDE! Next, sea weeds and wind barriers were everywhere! The view was not pleasing at all. Strong winds blew like it's the end of the world and it rained most of the time. I thought, "Awesome is not possible during this season. How are we gonna have fun with this?"
The wind barriers were such eye sores. They blocked the view of the ocean ;c
With no powers to change the weather, I settled on just enjoying whatever this trip has to offer. First off, we had lunch in Mang Inasal. After which, we strolled along the shore and took pictures. I realized, the view wasn't that bad at all. It's just all about seeing beauty in the least expected instances.

My office mates having so much fun taking their Bora jump shots.
The people I had lunch with: Jun, Anna, Melvin, Nina.
Next, we had our company meeting which I emceed. It rained when we were on our way to the seminar venue so all of us were on "basang sisiw" conditions. The meeting was very productive. We got to talk about company matters. The employees were able to speak their minds and everyone got to share valuable input to the progress of the company. After the meeting, we had a hearty buffet dinner care of our president.

Production Department. Sing with me: Heto akoo-oh-oh, basang-basa sa ulan! Walang masisilungan, walang makakapitaaan ;p
Happy BC people in Boracay :)
After dinner, we went back to the hotel to rest for a while. We also practiced for the next day's cheering competition. And then, we scouted for a good inuman place in Station 1, but most of the go-to spots were closed. When we finally found a good spot, the inuman session commenced! When it comes to inuman, my office mates are the best! Remember my black-out moment in Laguna? That's how generous they are as far as alcohol is concerned. [Segue: For my birthday, my guy boss wrote on my birthday card, "Sorry for giving you too much alcohol during that one time in Laguna."] So this time in Boracay, alcohol flooded once again. Plus, they got us some shisha to smoke. It was really great that we were with the sales managers--people who are the richest in the company, haha!--because they spoil us :)

With guy boss, Ms. Jack, and my wasted office mates :)
With the ultimate BIs, Mr. Marc and his brother, Mr. Eric.
I really, really enjoyed my first shisha experience! Because of this experience, mayabang na ako during my second and third time with my gym mates. Di na ako ignorante e! Wuhoo! [I have an Iranian gym friend, and shisha is part of their culture, I think.]

Shisha is easier to smoke compared to cigarettes, at least for me. Plus, it leaves a more interesting fruity aftertaste, compared to the tobacco aftertaste of cigarettes. Thanks to my BI office mates whom I truly love, I now know how to smoke--they gave me Marlboro Lights and Marlboro Black after. And they continue to give me something to smoke every time we go out. Naku talaga ;p

Despite all these experiences, I have to say that I never found pleasure in smoking cigarettes. Smoking is one activity that has not and will never grow on me. I'll never be proud that I know how to smoke.

Haha. Yeah, yeah. This is a big deal for someone like me. Lumaki kasi akong nasa tamang landas. Now that I've tried these "forbidden stuff" my parents taught me not to do, I have to post these info to serve my interests as a POSER. Woot, I know how to smoke! I'm so cool. LoL! Mukha mooo, gagooo ;p

Shisha is believed to be a better substitute for smoking. My office mates claim that it doesn't have chemicals whatsoever in it, but look at what I found on the Net [click here]. Turns out, it's more dangerous than cigarettes. Damn. Mas gusto ko pa naman ang shisha! Hay.

After the inuman, the crazy guys (Mr. Marc and Mr. Eric) decided to take a dip despite the fact that it was drizzling that time and the wind was chilly. I was happily taking their photos when they dragged me into the water. CRAZZYYY! I had no fight over two big boys. But the dip was pleasant. "Pantanggal tama," according to them. The downside, though, is that I caught colds and cough after the trip.

Night swimming :)
 We dried up and decided to drink coffee to feel warm. Then, we called it a night.

Hoping, waiting, believing.
★ Happidezz

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Pihikan nga ba ako?

Dear Juliet,

It was a week-long celebration for me at our office! I love my workmates! [Well, most days, I do. Haha!] Last night, we celebrated my birthday in our favorite videoke-slash-inuman place. We had so much fun! I was the last girl standing. Most of the ladies in our office are married, so they don't really prioritize partying over their families. Only four girls were there and one by one, the three left. Before I asked the guys to drive me home, they asked me why I was still single. "Sa ganda mong 'yan? Bakit wala kang boyfriend?" I didn't know what to say. I also ask that to myself. I mean, ang ganda ko naman talaga, di ba? What is wrong? Wahaha.

Then, they asked further, "Baka naman kasi pihikan ka sa lalaki?" Well, I can't really say that I am pihikan. Looking back, my ex boyfriends weren't really close to what I envision as my ideal man. In fact, none of them were ideal. So, if I were pihikan, I wouldn't be with these not-so-ideal guys.

Let's just say I have standards--superficial ones. I want someone who's taller and older than I am. He has to look presentable. He has to wear clothes of my taste (no crotch-hugging skinny jeans and pointed white shoes, please). He has to speak and write decent English. He has to be respectful to women, not just to me. He has to be future-oriented. He has to be honest; not pretentious. He has to be sweet. He has to be a gentleman. ETC. Also, ayoko yung mga tagilid ang sexuality at yung mga mahilig magsuot ng multi-colored plaid tokong shorts, haha. [Click here for a more detailed ayoko list. Hahahaha!]

Once again, an officemate asked me about another officemate's chances with me. I said, "Bata pa yan e. He's a good guy, but I just see him as my little brother." My officemate immediately responded, "Ah, wala naman yan sa edad e. Kung gusto mo, gusto mo talaga. So, wala. Di mo trip si *tooot* ha?"

I see this officemate's point. At the end of the day, these superficial standards are nothing once I've found the man I see myself growing old with. At the end of the day, when I like a guy, I just like him. Period. He may be younger, he may be shorter, he may wear tokong shorts, but when I like him, I can disregard my long list of standards just like that. Hehehe! Isa pa, sabi nga ng officemate ko, "Ang lalaking para sa iyo ay yung lalaking gagawin ang lahat para sa iyo. Pag nahanap mo yun, di na importante ang edad. Pag gusto mo, gusto mo." TAMA!

I keep telling people that I'm not rushing myself into love. Right now, I'm very much contented with what I have. I don't have to be in a relationship to feel loved and special. My friends are there to make me feel loved and special. I love myself and I consider myself special. That's all that matters. It's great to be single. Yes, I miss being in a relationship once in a while, but the pros of being single outweigh the cons. I just love that I can do things on my own way and on my own terms. FREEDOM! :)

Mukhang bangkay yung mukha ko kapag sobrang payat. Hahay.

Hoping, waiting, believing.
★ Happidezz

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

I Would Like to Thank My Sponsors for My BIRTHDAY Celebrations

Dear Juliet,

I turned 24 today! Oh. My. Gulay! My senior workmates kept telling me that I'm still so young. But I feel otherwise. I feel so old! Haha. 

Anyway, if you're interested to know how my day went, well, it was HAPPY and DANDY! What did I do? Nagtrabaho at nagpalaki ng puwet. Yes. Todo pwet exercise aka "lunges" ang lola nyo sa gym. Nagbaka-sakali lang ako kasi baka ibigay sakin ni Lord ang hinahangad kong pwet sa aking kaarawan. Flat kasi ang butt ko, mana sa aking inay. Haha.

Ok, now, dahil birthday ko naman, please allow me to narrate today's events. I was woken up by a call from an officemate. He greeted me and asked where our little office tropa will celebrate. I told him I don't know yet; I don't have money as I am DUKHA. He then told me to just spend the day with my family and promised that we're going to celebrate my birthday at Elyong's--a favorite inuman place of ours. I'm sure my officemates and I will have a great time! I'm excited! Sponsored ni officemate ang celebration na ito, I assume. Wuhoo! Thank God for generous officemates!

After the call, I got a big hug from Mommy. She thanked the Lord for my 24 years on Earth. Then, I started to receive messages from officemates and friends. They're the sweetest! I also opened my Facebook account to see my wall flooded with birthday greetings. To everyone of you who spent time to type a short birthday message for me, THANK YOU! ♥

At the office, the mood was upbeat. Everybody greeted me with smiles on their faces. Our dear CEO called and told us that he has meryenda for everyone since it's my and Ms. Tina's birthday. True enough, he came to the office with cake and palabok. YUM! So, kahit wala akong handa for my birthday, I had an instant sponsored office celebration. Maraming salamat sa aming boss. Saan ka naman makakaita ng CEO na nagpapakain para sa birthday ng empleyado nya, diba? I'm so lucky! I also received another cake and a birthday card from my officemates. Awesome! Our president also gave me a little gift and proclaimed her her birthday wish for me. She wished that I find a rich guy to be my boyfriend. Haha. Funny how everyone wished the same for me. Lahat yata ng tao concerned sa love life ko! Nakakatawa ;p

At the gym, I joined the spinning class. And then one of my friends brought tukneneng and kikiam for snacks. While we were eating, I told them it was my birthday. Their reactions were priceless! Haha. And then, after that, I worked my butt off--literally. Lunges, remember? Sakit tuloy ng pwet ko ngayon.

 After gym, a very generous gym mate treated us to Shawarma. Isn't that amazing?! I didn't really have plans for a gym celebration but I got another sponsorship! Buti na lang di type ni gym mate ang ulam nila sa bahay kaya nagyaya sya ng shawarma. Yehey! While waiting for gym mate to arrive, the gym instructors played music and put on the disco lights. I danced like a crazy woman. Haha. It was a happy night.

At home, I ate my cake with Mama and Mogs. I told them about my day and they listened intently. Though I went home late, I didn't get scolded. Birthday ko kasi, buti na lang :)

Overall, this day made me feel special. Special, in a good way--not the special-child-si-Dez kind of way. I realized how much people loved me. I wasn't really expecting anything for this day. I expected it to pass as an ordinary day, but people close to me made it extraordinary. They made sure that I am happy on my special day. And for these people, I am very thankful. I feel loved! Oh well, irresistible kasi talaga ang charms ko. I'm so adorable. Bwahahaha.

O, walang kokontra. Birthday ko naman ;p To end this entry, let me quote Nathan Scott:

"I realize now that when your heart breaks, you got to fight like hell to make sure you're still alive... 'cos you are. And that pain you feel? That's life. The confusion and fear? That's there to remind you that somewhere out there is something better and that something is worth fighting for."

I have to say, THIS LIFE IS WORTH FIGHTING FOR. Everything in my HERE and NOW is something worth fighting for. I'm so proud of myself for not giving up last year. I'm so glad I fought like hell. PAK!

Hoping, waiting, believing.
★ Happidezz

Monday, October 24, 2011

What is Wrong with Me?

Dear Juliet,

My deadline for my terminal paper in Structures of English is TODAY and I have not yet written a single word for it. I keep stalling. Though I know that I'll get in big trouble for delaying my writing, I still procrastinate. I am so unmotivated. 

Kahapon, nakuha ko pang mag-gym at tumambay sa SM sa kabila ng deadline ko. Kagabi, nakuha ko pa mag-upload ng pictures sa kabila ng pagiging gipit na sa oras. Ngayon, nakukuha ko pang mangblog sa kabila ng katotohanang maaari akong ma-INCOMPLETE sa subject na ito. There is something wrong with me!

I pray that God touches my mind and heart today so that I will be able to accomplish every thing expected of me. I am hopeless. I need divine intervention. Please pray for me.

Hoping, waiting, believing.
★ Happidezz

Thursday, October 20, 2011

It's That Time of the Month

Dear Juliet,

This is what I hate about being a girl--being hormonal and emotional when my monthly visitor is about to come. So last night, I was feeling oh so sad. I thought I needed to let all the bad vibes out and have a good cry. And so, I watched ONE MORE CHANCE. Hahaha. That movie and Time Traveller's Wife never fail to make me cry. They're my go to movies whenever I feel the need to cry.

For the first time after a long time, I wept, with uhog effects pa talaga. This part of the movie is the most striking for me.

"Baka kaya tayo iniiwan ng mga taong mahal naten, kase baka merong bagong darating na mas OK, na mas mamahalin tayo, yung taong hindi tayo sasaktan at paaasahin, yung nagiisang taong magtatama ng mali sa buhay naten, nang lahat ng mali sa buhay mo."
Tagos, pare. Tagos! Feeling ko talaga akong ako si Popoy eh. Everything he felt, I felt. Wahahaha! Lecheng PMS to, oo! ;p

Hoping, waiting, believing.
★ Happidezz

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

CEBU Part1: Kids These Days

Dear Juliet,

Remember my last post about kids (#2 of this entry)? Let me reiterate my fervent hope:
I really hope kids these days can just act as normal kids. With normal, I mean just being at school, doing homework, obeying their elders, maintaining their innocence, being afraid of their parent's wrath once they commit grave mistakes. You know, I wish they could be just the kind of kids who are not in a rush to grow up; kids who have young yet healthy thoughts, spirits, hearts.
I'm writing about this again because of a recent encounter with a kid who is around 3 years old. We just boarded the plane. We were bound for our short vacation in Cebu. I noticed this little girl behind my seat. I thought she and her father were adorable. Her father was diverting her attention from the take-off. They were cute while talking to each other and laughing, so I dismissed the fact that the kid was kind of a disturbance because she was pushing my seat with her feet the whole duration of the flight. I wasn't able to have my precious sleep.

All was well and cutesy. Until out of the blue, the girl said: 


I was shocked. Those words sounded like my favorite Jollibee Chicken Joy--Malutong! Crispy-licious talaga! And that's coming from a 3-year old kid! I wanted to confront the father and ask, "Really? You're ignoring that? You're allowing your child to say those words? You're not going to correct it?" Tsk! The child repeated those cuss words like five times, I guess. Disappointingly, the father didn't call the kid's attention to tell her that it's not appropriate to say those things.

NAKU! I wish all the parents out there are careful with what they teach their kids. Really. If I were a parent, I would wash my daughter's mouth with soap and alcohol if I ever hear her say those kinds of words (of course, that's a hyperbole). NAKU talaga.

It's a good thing my adorable niece is only one year old. She hasn't made clear utterances yet. Plus, she only understands English, so it's a relief that these Pinoy cuss words are out of her vocabulary. Baby Rana will grow up as a good person, just like her Ninang. Ahem! :)

Hoping, waiting, believing.
★ Happidezz

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Birthday Month ♥

Dear Juliet,

It was Daddy Eduardo's bday yesterday, Mama Teresa's bday today, and sister Mea Meagan's bday tomorrow :) HAPPINESS! 

Soon, it's gonna be my birthday too, and I'm turning 24! I FEEL SO OLD!

Anyway, this is a busy October for me. Notice that it's mid October already and I'm only writing my first entry of the month today? I'm that busy. Rawr! May God guide me and give me all the sipag I'll need--take home final exam later, sit-in final exam tomorrow, CEBU over the weekend (WOOT!), work stuff, and then 2 terminal papers just before my birthday. Great!

Hoping, waiting, believing.
★ Happidezz

Friday, September 23, 2011

Happiness #5: 10, 000 views :)

Dear Juliet,

To celebrate this milestone, sing with me! Haha, milestone talaga ito. Salamat sa sampung followers ko! LOL!

I heard this song being sang in one of the many karaoke stalls in my workplace's vicinity. Instantly, it got stuck in my head. I know this is so 2003, but I'm really in love with it.
Why Don't You and I Lyrics

Since the moment I spotted you
Like walking 'round with little wings on my shoes
My stomach's filled with the butterflies
And it's alright
Bouncing round from cloud to cloud
I got the feelin' like I'm never gonna come down
If I said I didn't like it then you know I'd lied

*Every time I try to talk to you
I get tongue-tied
Turns out, everything I say to you
Comes out wrong and never comes out right

So I'll say why don't you and I get together
And take on the world, be together forever
Heads we will and tails we'll try again
So I say why don't you and I hold each other,
Fly to the moon and straight onto heaven
Cause without you they're never gonna let me in

When's this fever gonna break?
I think I've handled more than any man can take
I'm like a love-sick puppy chasing you around
And it's alright
Bouncin' round from cloud to cloud
I got the feeling like I'm never gonna come down
If I said I didn't like it then you know I'd lied
Slowly I begin to realize this is never gonna end
But about the same time you walk by
And I say oh here we go again, oh

(Repeat *)

Hoping, waiting, believing.
★ Happidezz

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Random and Chopsuey

Dear Juliet,

I have so much stuff in my mind. I have to write these down now, or else, I'm gonna forget these.

1. I'm amazed at how far a person would go just to become beautiful. 

Hello, Jinky Pacquiao! It's too bad she has a twin sister. People has basis for comparison. They'll know which parts of her face are not real.

And it's not just Jinky Pacquiao who's obsessed with achieving "beauty." I have this gym mate who'll do what it takes just to prove an aunt who called her "pangit" in the past that she can be beautiful. In her pursuit of beauty, she had her nose done--a painful ordeal she had to pay for P35thousand. Then, she enrolled to the gym and hired a personal trainer because she wants to be sexy. And to be sexy, she takes pills (Relacore) whose side effects are now becoming apparent. I Googled the pill and found out that aside from reducing the appetite, it also weakens the muscles. Now, this gym mate complains of tired muscles after just a few minutes on the treadmill. Yes, she loses weight fast because of the pills, but her trunk is way bigger than her thinning extremities. That's another side effect. 

She also injects herself with fat-burning thingamajigs. She mentioned to me once that she had something injected in her chin to burn the fats there. And I don't know how true this is, but she also injects herself with L-carnitine.

This gym mate won't stop with a nose job, regular exercise, and some injectibles. She also plans to get a new chin. Yes, that's right. Another surgery in the near future. And a while ago, she kept mentioning something about a mesolight procedure, which apparently, is like non-invasive liposuction. It only it uses laser, I guess.

So there--all those just to be "beautiful." I feel sad that she has to undergo all these; that she wants to undergo all these, because to me, all these things are tantamount to torture. I mean, the procedures and medicines have effects (both positive and negative) on the body. Though I'll be thinner, I wouldn't risk the well-being of my muscles. (Haha. Well-being talaga?) I wouldn't risk my health. I wouldn't risk my body's condition. I wouldn't box myself in a life that revolves around diet pills, injectibles, surgery, and zero appetite. Aba, ang sarap kumain, noh!

I'm aware that for my gym mate, these are not self-inflicted tortures. I know she wants this and that she's willing to spend a lot to achieve her goals. I understand that she wants to prove something. It's just that, I don't see the practicality in it. Would you really have to go that far? I don't know. Maybe it's just the DUKHA in me that screams, "Atey, ikaw na ang mayaman! Pero napaka impratical lang kasi ng mga pinagkakagastusan mo. Partida, ang ikaw na nga yung nagbayad, ikaw pa yung nasaktan at nabigyan ng negative side-effects."

Oh well, desisyon nya naman yan. Wika nga nila: Live and let live. Ikaw, what do you think? Can beauty be achieved the unnatural way?

2. I'm amazed at how far a 13 year-old would go for love.
SM Pampanga shooting: SAD! 13y/o lang yung shooter! Tsk. When I was 13, my problems were only about homework and overprotective parents.
That's my 774th tweet. Sigh. The ending of this young love, gay love is really a tragedy. Two dead male teenagers, both shot in the head. Reports say that the 13-year-old boy shot his 16-year-old lover first and then himself.

In a suicide note written by the shooter, he said: "I’m willing to die together with [name of his lover]... I’m happy to kill you. No one else would own you."

Honestly, during my darkest times, I once told myself that if murder were not punishable by law, I'd be happy to kill my ex. But no, I never imagined being happy to die with him. Siya na lang mag-isa, noh!

God. What is happening to the world? These are teenagers! How deep can their concept of love be? How depressing can their depression get? I mean, I've been there, but never did I come up of a plan that morbid and more importantly, never did I actually execute anything self-destructing (self-destructing, meaning actually harming myself deliberately and causing myself physical pain). It's sad. Really sad.

I'm thinking the case of these boys are not the same as mine. Maybe theirs is more complicated given that such a relationship is not yet fully accepted by society; such a relationship is even harder to maintain and handle. Plus, I would never know the workings of a gay person's mind and emotions. Maybe they are more passionate, more possessive, and more irrational when it comes to love. I would never know.

I really hope kids these days can just act as normal kids. With normal, I mean just being at school, doing homework, obeying their elders, maintaining their innocence, being afraid of their parent's wrath once they commit grave mistakes. You know, I wish they could be just the kind of kids who are not in a rush to grow up; kids who have young yet healthy thoughts, spirits, hearts.

Oh no. Now I feel so old.

Hoping, waiting, believing.
★ Happidezz

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Meta-blogging: Of Recontextualization and Self-Identity

Dear Juliet,

My report last Tuesday was about Personal Web Pages and the Semiotic Constructions of Academic Identities. Basically, Carmen Rosa Caldas-Coulthard's paper says that "webbers" aka bloggers/netizens reconstruct themselves so that the identities they post online are only hybrids of their offline identities and their online identities, or only extensions of their offline identities. What we post online are not exactly what or who we are offline. This is because recontextualization happens every time we talk about personal experiences and social practices. When we recontextualize, we also construct a new reality, a new social practice, a new experience, a new perception of the self. In as much as we try to narrate an experience as objectively as possible, we can't. There is recontextualization in almost everything. (For example, a wedding is a social practice. It is a personal experience. When it is video-recorded, the recording becomes a mere recontextualization of the wedding. It may talk about the same wedding, but it is not how another person exactly experienced the wedding. It's also not the same wedding the person who recorded it experienced. Somehow, there is something that's disregarded/downplayed in the video-recording as compared to the recorder's actual experience. Gets?)

Given this premise, self-identities then, are not fixed and are not something we are born with. Self-identity is reflexively made or constructed. We tell who we are based on the way we see ourselves and based on the way we want others to see us. One's narratives in his/her blog say a lot about his/her identity. But, we also have to remember that what are narrated in blogs are based on the webber's prerogatives. These narratives are conveniently screened, chosen, and recontextualized to fit a virtual context that is the web page. We also have to remember that a web page has an audience, follows a template, and requires the webber to follow certain netiquettes.

Caldas-Coulthard also strongly points out the importance of a multi-modal analysis in studying web pages. According to her, analysts should not be confined only in the language used. There are other modes employed by the webber in his/her pursuit of projecting an image other than the text. If analyses are confined in the text, a lot of considerations are disregarded. The study stops at the computer's edge. Analysts may also consider other modes such as color, layout, images used, URL title, background music, tone of voice for vlogs, videos, etc.

Thus, before one fully presents/displays an identity online, there had been a lot of recontextualizations and mediations that happened first. And so, after my report, I decided to analyze my blog, and here are my observations:

1. I tried to hide behind the alias, Happidezz,but then my Facebook badge revealed my name. So that's one concrete example of not being able to maintain a purely online identity.

2. I use humor and self-deprecation. Yes. To avoid disapprovals from friends and readers, I make fun of myself and drop jokes to address issues subtly and lightly. I bully myself. I highlight my faults and weaknesses. That way, nosy people wouldn't have to rub my faults to my face. I already know, bitches!

3. I am happidezz because I want to prove the world that I can be happy despite what I had gone through. If you're a friend, or a reader since September 2010, you know what I mean.

4. I project an image that's not so serious, not so studious, not so industrious. I'm a dilly-dallier. I seem to not take life seriously. My posts are actually dense and do not have any social significance. Haha!

5. I am so full of myself because even in this entry about meta-blogging, I've decided to analyze my own blog. HAHAHA!

Hoping, waiting, believing.
★ Happidezz

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Happiness #4: Good Luck Is on Its Way

Dear Juliet,

I woke up at 3am. No, I asked my sister to wake me up at 3am. She succeeded because she has this uniquely annoying way of waking me up. I hate being kalabit over and over, and she did just exactly that. So I woke up annoyed at 3am.

The annoyance subsided when I read her note on Facebook. It says:
Badluck Comes in Threes
     According to my sister dear Debra Jane, bad luck comes in three's (3).. i think she's right.. how? take a look at this:
     In September 2009, typhoon Ondoy hit our home in Marikina and left us nothing but few dry clothes.
     In September 2010, she (my dear sister) broke up with her ex which left her devastated affecting not only her and her work but also us (mama and I).
    And this September 2011, well, my fate at work turned to the opposite direction leading me back to Zero.
    Since we already experienced 3 bad lucks, she believes that the next thing to happen will be good luck. And that's what I'm holding on to right now. that my luck will come my way and will help me and my family go through our lives again.. it's good to have something to believe in specially at the lowest point of your life.. right? :D
Yes, I believe good luck is on its way. My sister's unjust termination at work will be the last "September tragedy" and things will be better.

Hoping, waiting, believing.
★ Happidezz

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Happiness #3: My Longer Locks

Dear Juliet,

I remember complaining about my Mon Confiado-like hair last year. I had it cut because my metaphor for moving on; for a new life is a new hair style. Lame, right? I really regretted that impulsive decision.

Now, it's longer and I'm so glad! I don't know what to do with it, though. The upper half of my hair is wavy/curly (that's my natural hair) while the lower half is rebonded. Imagine the irony. It's an awful sight, really. But I no longer want it straightened over and over again. The hair becomes too damaged. Plus, it's such a hassle needing to go to the salon every 4 months to have it rebonded when the curly hair starts to grow.

This time, I decided I'll grow my natural hair. Unfortunately, it looks unkempt since I'm not one who brushes her hair every time. I also don't use products on my hair; just shampoo, and conditioner once in a while. Haha, yeah, I'm like a guy that way. (I also don't like using lotion. I'm also not fond of wearing cologne and perfume.)

Perhaps, when it grows even longer, my natural hair will look better. For now, I guess I'll have to bear wearing ponytails every day.Or I could have the lower half curled. We'll see :)

Hoping, waiting, believing.
★ Happidezz

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Happiness #2: Gym

Dear Juliet,

I've said it before; I'm going to say it again. The gym is really an interesting place! This little gym I go to makes my life colorful and bearable. How? Let me count the ways.
1. Exercise increases endorphins (happy hormones), natural pain killers, and cortisol (a stress hormone). When in great stress, GYM. That's my new mantra. Haha.

2. Gym friends. It's so great to work out with friends. It makes me more energized. Plus, these new friends of mine are really fun to be with. One of them even gave me and another gym friend imported chocolates and soap bars. How's that? Ang taray, di ba?

3. Kerengkeng moments. Well, these are accounts of my gym friends. There's this guy DAW who asked the instructor: "Anong pangalan nung sexy? Yung maganda." He's referring to me. Ahem, ahem. Hahahaha. And of course, ang daming boys dun! Madaming nanlalandi. Yun lang, you can't be sure if they're straight or what.
4. Yoga. Hiphop and Latin dances. Taebo. I love group exercises! Basta, I love to dance. Wa pakels kung pinapanood kami nung mga lalake. Wa pakels kung mukhang akong engot. Basta ang alam ko, magaling ako sumayaw at naeenjoy ko talaga makisabay sa grooves ng mga ateng at mommy-lola na gym mates ko.
5. Pumayat na raw ako! Pocha. This is it! I'm so happy. All the muscle pains, all the buckets of sweat, all the late night workouts--all those have paid off! Kebs na kung di ko maabutang bukas ang SM after gym. Basta di na ako mataba, that's good enough for me. Obrigada! Haha.
6. After working out, I always get a good night's sleep. Bagsak sa pagod. Haha.
7. Sando Boy ♥ ♥ ♥ Enough said. I know his name already! Waaaaah. *nangisay sa kilig*

Hoping, waiting, believing.
★ Happidezz

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Happiness #1

Dear Juliet,

I've blogged before that Septembers bring bitter memories in my life. In September 2009, super typhoon Ondoy happened. In September 2010, my heart got broken. This September, so far, I've got nothing but happy stuff to celebrate and I pray to the good Lord it stays that way.

Happy stuff #1: 
Meet Baby Yuan Miguel "Micos" C. Tañedo.
He is Hallu baby number 2. First born of Mimai and Mike.

Mike was so sweet when he told the nurse, "Pwedeng makita si Baby Boy Tañedo ng mga NINANG niya?" And when we were shown Micos, all we were able to utter was a chorus of "Aaaww." He is so adorable!

Mommy Mimai, Dez, Florence, and Noreen ♥

More happy stuff to follow! I just don't have the time and SIPAG to write lately, but I promise, I'll write about more happy stuff soon. For now, let me quote Sara Bareilles, "So many things I'd say if only I were able..."

Hoping, waiting, believing.
★ Happidezz

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Dance, Martial Arts

Dear Juliet,

Gusto ko matuto nito. Kaya lang wala pa akong oras. Wala pa akong perang pang-enroll. Wala pa akong kasama. At wala pa akong nakikitang studio malapit sa lugar namin. Ang sikip na rin kasi ng schedule ko sa trabaho at sa eskwela. SA SEMBREAK NA LANG!

It would definitely be so cool if I could learn how to kick ass the legit way. CHAR! ;p


 Hoping, waiting, believing.
★ Happidezz

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Inside Joke

Dear Juliet,

Mahilig ako mang-asar, pero kapag ako na ang inasar, mabilis ako mapikon. Ayaw ko na paulit-ulit pinag-uusapan ang mga pagkakamali at kapintasan ko, pero kapag ibang tao ang nagkamali at may kapintasan, I love to rub it in their faces! Haha. Yun ang kasiyahan ko. Ganun kasi kasama ang ugali ko. Eh sino ba kasing nagsabing mabait ako?

Ito yung joke. Habang nanood ng "The Big Thing" sa GMA7, nasabi ko sa kapatid ko na tipo ko yung character ni Edward, yung bidang prosecutor na sobrang macho, lalaking lalaki, at gwapo; may pagkabarumbado at isip bata rin. Matagal ko na crush si Kwon Sang Woo lalo na nung ginampanan niya si Cholo sa Stairway to Heaven pa lang. 

Eh loka-loka lang talaga kaming magkapatid, kaya heto ang naging usapan. Bwahahahaha!

Sabi ko: "Ang kulit nung character ni Edward, crush ko na siya."
Sabi niya: "Ah, lawyer. Hmmm."
Sabi ko: "Emphasis on MACHO and MANLY."
Sabi niya: "Paano kaya yung mga becky na lawyers?"
Sabi ko: "Hahahaha! I have someone in mind."
Sabi niya: "Wititit, your honor! Waley sa crime scene ang kliyentesoong ko. Wit talaga siya doon, your honor."


Hey we're not hating on gay lawyers. We're just bashing on a particular one ;p

Hoping, waiting, believing.
★ Happidezz

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Acting Workshop from Eugene Domingo

Dear Juliet,

Heto, para di tayo magsawa kay Sando Boy, manood tayo ng video :) Napanood mo na ba ang patok sa takilyang Ang Babae sa Septic Tank? Ako oo. Ang galing ni Eugene Domingo!

 Hoping, waiting, believing.
★ Happidezz

Sili: Revealing My Sando Boy

Dear Juliet,

Gusto ko sanang panatilihin ang pagiging misteryoso si Sando Boy sa aking mga mambabasa. Kaya lang, si Clarabelle, gustong lagyan ko ng mukha ang lalaking kasalukuyan kong pinagpapantasyahan. Haha!

Okay, I know this is so silly. Hence, the blog title. Pero nakakatawa, nakakatuwa, at nakakaloka kasi ang mga ganitong karanasan. Alam kong katangahan lang ito. Pero hindi naman talaga ako umaasa ng kahit na ano mula kay Sando Boy. Ni hindi ko nga alam kung anong pangalan nya eh. Ini-enjoy ko lang talaga ang KILIG na nakukuha ko mula sa kalandiang ito.

I felt silly and childish doing this, but WTH! I took a picture of him in the treadmill. Buti na lang di nakuha ng litrato yung "awkwardness" ng pagtakbo niya. Ang tangkad kasi niya kaya mukhang di siya kumportable sa treadmill.

Ladies and gents, without further ado... SANDO BOY!

manly looks - check!
protruding chest - check!
new gwapo haircut - check!
naka white shirt ang lolo natin - check!
unidentified rubber shoes - check!
mukhang lampin na face towel - check!
giant payong - check na check!

Don't get me wrong. Di ko nilalait si Sando Boy. Mahal ko nga sya eh, di ba? Wow, mahal. Heavy! Big word! ;p Naaaliw lang talaga ako sa kanya, sa personality nya. Kasi kahit na gwapo siya, wala siyang ere. Parang hindi niya alam na mainit siya na parang sili (Translation: Hot as pepper). Hindi niya alam na "desired" siya by me. Hahahahay!

Bago siya nakapag-treadmill, ako talaga yung gumagamit nung spot niya. Dalawang treadmill lang kasi ang gumagana ng mga panahong iyan. Patapos na ako magtreadmill nang marealize niyang hindi niya magamit yung mga nakapatay na machine. Kaya when he was about to give up and leave, bumaba ako ng treadmill and offered it to him. KILIG! Siyempre, nang magkasalubong kami, sumulyap pa muna ako sa kanya. PAK!

Haha! Para akong tanga!

Hoping, waiting, believing.
★ Happidezz

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Sando Boy Part 2

Dear Juliet,

Tulad ng pinangako ko, heto na ang bago kong blog entry tungkol sa mga pantasya ko kay Sando Boy. Haha. Oo, pantasya na lang ito. Napakalaki kasi ng posibilidad na wala talaga siyang gusto sa akin. Gayunpaman, patuloy pa rin akong kikiligin sa mga engkwentro namin. Masaya eh, bakit ba?!

Unahin natin kung bakit ako kumbinsido na di niya ako gusto. Kasi di ba, pag may gusto tayong tao, sinusubukan nating maging maganda ang imahe natin sa harap nila? Sa kasawiang palad, si Sando Boy, walang kyemeng suminga sa tabi ko. Opo, mga mahal kong mambabasa. Kumuha siya ng tuwalya, at walang pakundangang suminga. Sinisipon ang lolo natin. Haha. 

Nope, this isn't Sando Boy!
Wala naman sa akin yung pagsinga niya sa harap ko. Nagagawa ko rin naman yun in public kapag kailangang kailangan talaga. Kahit suminga siya, hindi naman nabawasan ang pagtingin ko sa kanya. At alam niyo rin namang wala akong paki-alam sa outfit niya di ba? Kebs lang sa akin ang maluwag na puting sando nya. Kebs lang din sa akin ang giant payong niya. Pero ito ang pinaka-nakakagulat sa lahat. Walang kyeme siyang nag-"unwedge" ng wedgy niya sa harap ko.
wedge (n.) - a phenomenon when one's undergarment uncomfortably folds or rolls up the bum (Happidezz, 2010).
Hayun. Yun lang. Kaloka! Pero heto, may pangyayari na siyang nagtutulak sa akin upang maniwalang kami ang itinakda sa isa't-isa.

Isang Sabado sa gym, naka-upo ako sa couch at pinapanood ang kaibigan ko habang binabanat ng instructor ang katawan niya. Pauwi na si Sando Boy pero may kailangan siya kay instructor kaya tumabi muna siya sa akin sa couch. Siyempre, deadma lang ang lola niyo. Poker face! Pero deep inside, nagsusumigaw na ako sa kilig. POCHA! This is it. This is a sign!

So magkatabi kami di ba? Eh biglang nagkuwento si instructor tungkol kay lady gym member na may stalker. Ang pagkakaintindi ko sa kuwento ng malabo naming instructor, babae yung stalker ni lady gym member, kaya nilinaw ko.

DEZ: Ha? Babae?

Haha. Nakakakilig! Alam mo kung bakit? Kasi pareho kami ng wavelength ni Sando Boy! Sabay naming sinambit ang mismong linyang yan! 

DEZ ♥and♥ SANDO BOY: Ha? Babae?

Major deadma na naman ang lola niyo sa kabila ng nagsusumabog na kaligayahan. Haha. Langit kasi ang pakiramdam nung narinig ko ang mababa niyang boses na sumabay sa malamyos kong tinig. LoL! Oo naman, malamyos talaga! Hahaha. So, tuloy lang ako sa pakikinig sa kuwento. Nilinaw ni gym instructor na hindi babae ang stalker: "Lalaki yung stalker, ano ba kayo."

DEZ ♥and♥ SANDO BOY: Ah!

Hahaha! Ang babaw ko noh?  Pero dahil sa pangyayaring yan, gusto ko na talagang maniwala na kami ang tinadhana. Wahahahaha!

Naloloka ka na ba sa akin?

Hoping, waiting, believing.
★ Happidezz

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Grammar, Balarila: Sukatan ng Pagkatao?

Dear Juliet,

Gusto ko lang ibahagi ang komento ko sa blog entry ni Madie patungkol sa GRAMMAR o BALARILA. Di ako nagagalit kay Madie. Naiirita lang talaga kasi ako kapag naaalala ko yung mga mayayabang na taong GRAMMAR POLICE ang turing sa sarili nila. Gusto ko sila tanungin: "Asan ang tsapa mo? Saang Grammar Police Academy ka nagtapos ng pag-aaral? Ganoon ka ba talaga kagaling mag-Ingles? Sige nga, ano sa Ingles ang sayang, tampo, bayanihan?"

Naiintindihan ko ang kahalagahan ng grammar sa pakikipagtalastasan. Lagi sinasabi ng mga guro ko sa Ingles na kapag may problema sa line of communication, paniguradong magkakaron ng communication breakdown. Isang problema sa line of communication ang mali-maling grammar, pero heto lang ang masasabi ko para sa mga Grammar Police dyan:
bilang isang mag-aaral ng linguistics, natutunan ko na ang maging tolerant sa mga taong mali-mali ang grammar. Minsan, natatawa pa rin ako pag nakakabasa ng balikong Ingles.

Hindi lahat ng tao, napag-aralan ang grammar, pero hindi ibig sabihin nito na ang mga nakapag-aral lang ng grammar ang may karapatang mag-Ingles. Maswerte tayo kasi may background tayo on grammar. Pero hindi yun lisensya para manlait ng ibang taong di nakapag-aral ng grammar.

Bullshit lang yung mga mayayabang na grammar police na yan. masyadong mapagmalaki. Ang katunayan, surface lang ng isang malawak na topic ng grammar ang subject-verb agreement. Magmalaki sila kung napag-aralan na nila si Michael Halliday. Magmalaki sila kung maeexplain nila ang relationship ng PHONOLOGY, MORPHOLOGY, SYNTAX, at SEMANTICS.

PUTANG INA NG MGA GRAMMAR POLICE NA YAN! sana bagsakan sila ng eroplano!  
Minsan kasi pagmamalaki na lang na magaling tayo mag-Ingles kaya natin tinatama at pinagtatawanan at minamaliit ang mga taong "wrong grammar." Isang paraan para itaas ang sarili nating bangko ang panlalait ng kamalian ng iba. Pero kung papansinin at pag-aaralan, kaninong pagkatao ba ang bumababa? Sa sarili kong palagay, mas bumababa ang pagkatao ng mapanlait at mayabang na grammar police kumpara sa taong mali ang grammar pero sumusubok pa rin.

If we're so confident of our grammar and of our English, we should share our expertise to those who need it. Sharing is caring. Be a positive change. Huwag puro yabang! Pucha! Sige na. Ikaw na ang mukhang mayaman at matalino sa angking galing mo mag-INGLES!

Nakakainit talaga ng ulo yang mga grammar police na yan eh. Sobrang yabang nila sa kagalingan nila mag-Ingles pero pag pinag-Filipino naman, walang binatbat.

Kung ako ang makakakita o makakarinig ng wrong grammar, ngingiti na lang ako mag-isa. Itatama ko yung kamalian sa utak ko. Di na kailangan mag-tweet o mag-status. Di na kailangan magyabang. Di na kailangan manlait. Kung kaya ko, ipapaliwanag ko sa taong nagkamit ng grammatical error kung bakit mali yung grammar niya. Yun lang :)

Hoping, waiting, believing.
★ Happidezz

Friday, August 5, 2011

Ang Bakatdog at Bakitlog, Bow.

Dear Juliet,

The gym is a jungle full of moose knuckles and some camel toes! I'm telling you, this place is so interesting!

Masasabi kong gym ang highlight ng buhay ko ngayon. Haha! Sa totoo lang, mas may gana ako ngayon mag-ehersisyo kaysa mag-aral o magtrabaho. Nakakaaliw kasi ang mga karanasan ko sa gym at talagang komportable ako dito. Pero nagtataka ka ba kung bakit ganito ang pamagat ng entry kong ito?

Tatlong linggo na kasi akong sumasali sa group sessions--tuwing Lunes, taebo; tuwing Huwebes, yoga; at tuwing Sabado, Latin at Hiphop dances. Nakakatuwa. Nakakatawa. Mga lalaki kasi ang instructors sa mga group sessions na ito. At di ko man gustuhin, talagang di ko mapigilan ang mga mata kong mapansin ang mga bagay na sadya namang kapansin-pansin. Madami kasing bumabakat sa mga instructors namin maliban sa malalaki nilang... MUSCLES. So kung hindi muscles, ano pa nga ba ang maaaring bumakat?

Moose knuckle festival sa gym, lalo na kapag araw ng taebo at yoga. Nakakaloka. Nakakatawa. Nakakawindang! Tuwing oras ng stretching at cool down, talagang pinipigilan ko ang sarili kong tumawa. Tinitiyak ko ring di manlalaki ang mga mata ko kapag napapansin ko ang mga bakatdogs at bakitlogs nila. Awkward. Subalit gayunpaman, masasabi kong magagaling talaga ang instructors namin. Ginagawa nila ang lahat ng makakaya nila upang ituro sa aming mga members ang tamang poses, steps, etc. Ginagawa nila ang lahat, kahit pa kapalit ng dedikasyon nila sa pagtuturo ang pagka-ipit at pagbakat ng kanilang man thingamajiggs. Hahaha!

Sobrang AWKWARD, di ba? [source]
So ngayon, alam niyo na ba kung bakit ganito ang pamagat ng entry na ito? Mahilig kasi ako sa portmanteaus. Pansinin nyo na lamang ang pangalan ng blog ko--pinagsamang "Happiness" at "Dez." Kaya kung pag-aaralan ang pamagat ng entry na ito, tatlong salita lamang ang pinaglaruan ko--"bakat," "hotdog," at "itlog."


Hoping, waiting, believing.
★ Happidezz

Monday, August 1, 2011

Sando Boy

Dear Juliet,

Nakakatawa na kailangan kong isulat ang entry na ito! Hahahaha! May crush na kasi ako! Hahahaha. At sobrang aga pa man para sa tanong na ito, itatanong ko pa rin. Siya na kaya ang Da One ko? Hahahaha. 

Hindi naman ako nagmamadali magka-boyfriend ulit. Sabi ko nga, "I am single by choice" dahil sa totoo lang, kung sana'y pumapatol ako sa totoy na estudyante, sa majonders, sa may asawa, at sa pangit, eh di sana may boyfriend na ako ngayon. [Haha, ang tigas lang ng mukha ko.] Pero hindi. Matiyaga akong naghihintay at naghahanap ng lalaking sakto sa panlasa ko--yung lalaking talagang pasok sa pamantayan ko at hindi yung napilitan na lang ako tanggapin yung mga katangian niyang ayaw ko. Heto't may isang lalaking sa tingin ko ay interesado ako. Siya na nga kaya?

Itago natin siya sa pangalang "Sando Boy." Oo, nakasando kasi siya madalas sa gym. Hindi ito yung tipo ng sando na sexy, fitted, at may macho effect. Ito yung puting sando na katulad ng suot ng mga batang walang muwang sa buhay--maluwag at maputim. Nakakatawa, di ba? Hahaha! Yung rubber shoes nya, hindi ko alam kung ano ang tatak. Mukhang hindi branded, pero wala akong pakialam. Tapos, kapag maulan, nagdadala siya ng malaking payong at wala siyang pakialam kung nakakawala man ito ng poise kapag binitbit na nya. Wala rin naman akong paki-alam na nawala nga talaga ang poise niya dahil sa pagdadala nito. Ang akin lang, I LIKE HIM! Sa dinami-dami ng macho at gwapo sa gym, siya ang natipuhan ko. Hahaha!

Mukha kasi siyang lalaking lalaki, walang arte sa katawan, tahimik, at seryoso. Bonus na yung kagwapuhan nya, ang malalaki niyang muscles, at ang flat na tiyan niya. Hahahaha! Ayan. Kinikilig na ako. SHET!

Ang malaking problema ko lang: Hindi niya ako pinapansin. Hindi naman ako nagpapapansin sa kanya, pero paano ko malalaman na interesado rin siya sa akin? Ayaw ko maging assuming, pero posible bang interesado rin sya sa akin kung:

a) nagpatugtog siya sa sound system ng gym at pinili nya ang "Beautiful Soul" sa dinami-rami ng kanta sa kanyang playlist. Pakiramdam ko kasi dedicated yung song para sa akin. Hahahaha! Damang dama ko ang lyrics: I don't want another pretty face, I don't want just anyone to hold, I don't want my love to go to waste, I want you and your beautiful soul.

b) pakiramdam ko, pinapanood/sinusulyapan niya ako tuwing sumasali ako sa group sessions. Madalas ko kasi siyang nahuhuli na nakatingin sa direksyon ko. Kaya naman tinotodo ko na ang dance performances ko sa group sessions kasi alam kong nakikita niya ako ;p Hahahaha.

c) noong huling beses na nagkasabay kami, lumalapit siya sa treadmill kung saan ako nandoon. Kinikilig lang ako sa paniniwalang ako yung talagang gusto niya mapuntahan. Hahaha.

d) Ito ang pinakaMABANGIS sa lahat: nagbihis sya sa harap ko. Opo, mga kaibigan. He was topless, shirtless, and bare in front of me! Hahahaha! Sige na nga. Hindi naman eksakto sa harap ko; mga eleven o'clock ko lang. Pero nagbihis siya sa isang lugar na ako lang yung makakapansin sa kanya, bilang ako lang yung nakaharap sa direksyon niya. At dahil ako'y isang tunay na dalagang Pilipina, hindi ako tumitig. Sumulyap lang ako at iniwas agad ang paningin ko. Sa salita nga ng aming gym instructor, "Tumakam lang." Hahaha!

Alam ko namang imahinasyon ko lang ang mga ito. Maaaring di naman talaga ako ang gusto nya. Maaaring ako lang ang nagbibigay ng kahulugan sa mga kinikilos nya. Maaaring bading pala siya o may asawa na. Pero ang akin lang, I LIKE HIM!

And liking him makes me happy and jumpy and kilig-y! ;)

Hoping, waiting, believing.
★ Happidezz

Saturday, July 23, 2011

A Different Kind of Pain

Dear Juliet,

Sore muscles. That's what I'm talking about. In preparation for our Boracay trip this August, I figured I should shed off fats. And so, I enrolled to the gym! Finally! 

I miss being lean. Some months ago, I was kalansay thin because of depression. I literally did not eat for days, and it's still a wonder how I got to endure that. Funny thing though, is that when I recovered from the depression, I gained so much weight in just a matter of weeks! Now, see the difference.

Left photo taken last December, i think. Right photo taken this July.
I'm not saying I want to be kalansay thin again. No! Just look at that face. I don't look healthy there. I just want to feel light and not too conscious of my bulging stomach. I enrolled to the gym to make myself feel better about my body. I never EVER want to go through depression again just to lose weight. It was a terrible ordeal to go through. This time, it should be a healthier process. I eat. I exercise. I work out. I lose weight. I become sexier. I become happier. Haha!

Though this new weight-loss process is very different, it is still NOT painless. But this is a different kind of pain, though. This is physical. This is healthier. This is easier to endure. I could take Alaxan for this, as opposed to a heartbreak which does not have a pain reliever. However, the masochistic side of me enjoys the pain. My mom tells me to take Alaxan every time I complain about my sore body parts, but I respond with much conviction, "Let me feel the pain ma, it won't be long before I can rejoice over my triumph. I will get through this." LoL!

The similarity between a heartbreak and working out is striking. After enduring the pains [of both], you emerge FIT, STRONGER, SEXIER, and MORE BEAUTIFUL. LoL. I should've stopped at "stronger."


Hoping, waiting, believing.
★ Happidezz

Monday, July 11, 2011

8000 views and counting! ♥

Dear Juliet,

I don't know how Blogger tallies the visitors of my blog, but still, I'm thankful people actually stop by to visit and read my posts. Thanks friends and fans. Hahaha! I feel so famous. {PAK! Sinampal ng kapatid.}

Hoping, waiting, believing.
★ Happidezz

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Froggy, Rainy Night

Dear Juliet,

I don't remember much of my frog dissecting days in Biology during high school. Maybe it's a memory I deliberately erased off of my mind. All I know is that I didn't catch or bring any frog to school; I relied on my classmates as far as pinning, cutting, and probing the frog were concerned. I did an exquisite job as an observer back then.

But just a while back, I had the closest encounter I ever imagined I could have with a frog--a baby frog.

It was 3 a.m. I just finished watching The Curious Case of Benjamin Button and was intent on reading the closing credits. I was in the living room where my mom and sister were sleeping. Mama was on her folding bed, while my sister was on our matress. [Yes, parang sleep-over party lang 'di ba?]

I was on the sofa when I heard an insect jumping to and fro around the living room. When I turned the lights on, I realized it wasn't an insect. It was a baby frog. I was so scared. I didn't know what to do, so I woke my sister up. She just shrugged and told me to get rid of it myself.

I got the biggest plastic bag i could find and laid it beside the frog which settled in one corner of the living room. I knew my plan was stupid, but I pushed my luck thinking that the frog will just voluntarily get inside the bag. Well, yes, as my sister puts it, this plan sucked.

And so, i went out to get tongs. I went back to the living room and there, i stood, in front of the frog, frozen. I was so scared to go anywhere near it. Desperate, I woke my mom up. She has rheumatic joints, so she can't help me. She scolded me and prodded me to just do it.

I hated my sister so much for not helping me with this huge predicament. Left with not much options, i decided to just do it myself. I thought, i didn't want to sleep with a baby frog lurking around. What if it lays eggs on my ears? What if it gives me kulugo in my face? What if it breeds inside our house? I can't let those happen!

And so after 30 minutes of mustering my courage and practicing how to tong the frog, i finally did it!

My mom, my sister, and i laughed at the incident. They said i looked really stupid being scared of something so tiny. Well, i can't blame them. I was literally laughing and shivering out of fear at the same time. Mama also complained that i just had to wake everyone up, turn on all the lights, and do my pag-iinarte for so long when i could have done it silently, without bothering anyone.

Oh well, i'm a girl. My fear of frogs got the best of me. Whoever said that frogs are princes is a BIG FAT LIAR!

~Happidezz on mobile :)