Saturday, February 26, 2011

Falling out of L♥VE: A self-talk entry

Dear Juliet,

Lately, I've been having doubts and complaining too much about a very important aspect of my life--work. Ten months ago, I wrote a blog entry about my love-hate relationship with my job. Ten months after that entry, I just can't feel the love part of that so-called relationship anymore. I'm now bored to life. And this is killing me.

Sadly, I might have fallen out of love with my job.

But I don't want to believe that. As much as possible, I want to save our precious relationship. I can't throw it away just like that. I owe this job a lot. We have gone through thick and thin, better and worse, richness and poorness. It will break my heart to leave it. I don't want to give it up. It is something I know I am good at. It is something I am comfortable with. But how can I revive our lost flame? I think I need to "miss" this job for a while so that I'd realize how important it is to me. Maybe if I am away from it for a while, I'd realize how much I love editing again. But how can I get away? Sigh.

I used to love this job so much. I used to enjoy editing manuscripts. I used to look forward to sitting in front of my desk and scrutinize written sentences. But then somewhere some time, I lost the drive; my passion subsided. Now, it takes me two weeks to finish a god damned book! I swear, I am trying really, really hard to get the motivation back, but there seems to be no effective technique.

I'm thinking of finding a greener pasture, like having the same job in a different yet high-paying company. LoL! Of course money is a factor here, because compensation-wise, my job is not something that allows me to enjoy life to the fullest. And by "enjoying life to the fullest," I mean I'm not able to buy myself things other people my age already have, reach destinations--both local and international--other people my age have already been to, and experience fun activities other people my age have already done. It's a noble job, I have to say. But what is the point of working your ass out and not enjoying the fruits? Sigh. 

This might just be an episode. One that occurred to me when I wrote this. However, back then, I was someone who does not mind the malnourished paychecks as long as there is LOVE, someone who's contented with what she has in life. Now, I guess that has all changed. Rawr!

Maybe the paychecks and love are no longer working. But for now, let's see where the road takes me. I hope to land that 40k a month stint. LoL! yeah, I'm that ambitious ;p But whatever. If this place is my home for now, so be it. After all, finding the One is a life-long search. Haha. I just have to be patient and do my best.

Rawr, I was trying to talk sense to myself, but I just ended up as confused and unmotivated as ever ;c What to do? What to do? Hay. Makapag-edit na nga!

Hoping, waiting, believing.
★ Happidezz

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