Monday, February 28, 2011

My last entry for the L♥VE month

Dear Juliet,

I am aware that I am not a good blogger. I suck at writing too, actually. But I love bloggingit allows me to share whatever insights and pent-up emotions I have. I also love blog hoppingit makes me ponder on insights I get from reading random blogs.

Today, I stumbled upon two blogs. One talked about God, karma, and love while the other one discussed her lack of luck. I don't know these bloggers personally, but their blog entries struck a chord and got me thinking.

Let me quote some paragraphs from Blog #1.
I don’t believe in a god. There is no one to blame, only us. There is no one to thank, maybe just the people around us.

I don’t believe in karma. There are only those lucky enough to get away with the horrible things they do and those unfortunate enough to be truly good people but go the rest of their lives unacknowledged, unrecognized, forgotten. Things don’t happen for a reason. They just do.
These are really sad standpoints. But somehow, they also shook my belief, my faith. I believe in God. However, there is not one instance in my life that I felt Him, His presence. You know how others would say, "God allowed this miracle to happen in my life"? I don't have that kind of experience. When I relied on God during the lowest point of my life, I was desperate. I needed to believe in something in order for me to move on and anticipate the coming of better things. And so, I lifted my everything to Him. But then after thinking about it, maybe there really is no God. Maybe I moved on with no help from God. Maybe it was just me, my will, my strength, and my determination. Who knows, right?

But of course, I'm sticking to my beliefs. There is a God. I don't know how to prove that. I just believe that a Higher Being created the universe; that there is heaven; and that after death, eternal damnation awaits those who never repented their sins. I can't give reasons, I just believe.

Though it's really tempting to believe that there is no God, I still choose to believe in one, not because I am a devout Catholic, but because I need something to make me want to choose to be a good person. Without a God, it will be too easy for me to be evil. Without a God, my life would be dark. Without a God, I wouldn't be this person. Without a God, I would be lost.

Maybe that's how I see Godmy go-to person; my role model; my pillar of strength. But I never asked God to punish those who have wronged me. That aspect, I rely onto Karma.

The blogger's take on Karma discouraged me. How then will the bad people ever pay for their misdemeanors? Does that mean that the pickpockets can continue doing their acts and just get away with it if they're lucky enough not to be caught? That is really sad. It makes me think that nothing is really fair in this world. Justice, where art thou? Sigh.

"There are only those lucky enough to get away with the horrible things they do and those unfortunate enough to be truly good people but go the rest of their lives unacknowledged, unrecognized, forgotten." This resounds in my head and makes me want to cry for I am trying to be a good person and here I am, unacknowledged, unrecognized, forgotten. FML! Haha.

Maybe I am just Blogger #2. Maybe I'm just born unlucky. I always get fooled in relationships. I always get the smaller piece of the cake. I am the lowest-paid among my friends. I happen to choose the wrong answer when guessing a multiple-choice test item. A zit appears on my cheek a day before an event that requires looking pretty and flawless. Laptops crash in the middle of an important paper, just when I needed them the most. I end up choosing the wrong decisions for myself all of the time. I am unlucky, just plain unlucky.

Maybe I am not meant rely on luck to be successful and happy because Blogger #2 right, "Luck runs out." Maybe I am one of those who need to work hard in order to satiate my wants and needs. And to satiate my longing to have bad Karma cross my enemies' paths, I have to make the moves. Maybe it's time to showcase my mojo-jojo scheming skills. *Evil laugh*

But seriously, I guess if there is no Karma, I'll just have to do my best and think that at the end of the day, we will all die. And then when that happens, God does the rest come judgment day.

Hoping, waiting, believing.
★ Happidezz

2 comments:

  1. i guess even if you make wrong decisions, they make you a stronger person.. and should i say.. more beautiful and gorgeous woman i've known (within, beyond, inside and out!) i miss you ny! ^_^ and i respect and admire you for being one of the truest persons I've ever met. love you!

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  2. aaw, thanks for this nets! And alam mo rin namang I admire you for being the person that you are. If i'm strong, you're stronger. If i'm beautiful, you are more beautiful. I miss you too! Naku, di na tayo nakakapagkwentuhan! Doncha worry, after my death MARCH, i'll find time to make chikka. love you nets! mwah ;*

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