Sunday, February 6, 2011

On Logic and L♥VE

Dear Juliet,

I subscribe to this application on Facebook which gives me God's day-to-day messages. It's something I habitually check out just to have something to ponder on. It gives me insights about love, about relationships, and about life in general. It's good that the messages make me think and reflect. So here, let me share what I think and feel about God's message for me for today.
On this day, God wants you to know that love is the opposite of logic. Logic is argumentative, aggressive upon the mind, splits the world into right and wrong, us and them. Love is generative, compassionate, embracing all creation. Logic pays attention to what is being said. Love pays attention to how things are said. Logic leads to debate. Love leads to communion.
Ah. Destiny. Fate. True love. The one. God's gift. Always and forever. I've actually spent most of my time this week talking about love with friends. Then, I realized that I can honestly and proudly say that I have loved before, that I have truly gave everything I had for my one and only love. Perhaps that experience led me  to want to be more logical about things. Because after everything I sacrificed, after defying everything for that one thing I ever wanted, still, "everything" was not enough to keep the man I loved to stay the same; "everything" did not guarantee me of a happily ever after; "everything" did not spare my heart from being broken.

Yes, I would still like to believe about love and magic and butterflies and star dusts and fate and happily ever afters. But then again, I no longer want to be disappointed and hurt, so I resolve to just be logical in the mean time. I weigh everything now. I am now skeptical about things I hear from men and about relationships in general. I no longer go "Aaaww, that's so sweet" whenever I hear men open their stupid mouths and give me compliments. It's now more difficult for me to believe in magic, in falling in love, in sincerely good men. After everything I went through, I now find it impossible that there's someone out there who's perfect for me.

This may just be me being bitter, cautious [as my dear friend Maj would put it], and smarter. But I still can't see myself "falling" again any time soon. At this point in my life, I still don't want to make myself vulnerable. I don't find it necessary to lower my walls and take risks yet. The last time I did that, my heart almost gave up; I almost gave up.

It's not that I'm not closing my doors on love. It's just that my protective instincts at the moment are overly high. If you share the same context as me, then, you'd understand what I'm saying.  I just don't want to fool myself by continually believing in the idealistic notions of love. The more I'll believe in them, the more it'll be difficult for me to find love. Because in reality, love isn't all about sugar, spice, and everything nice. It's about shedding tears. It's about sacrificing. It's about spending lots of money. It's about lowering your pride. It's about submitting yourself to your partner. It's about being a hundred percent honest. It's about resisting temptations. It's about being strong. It's about extending your patience. It's about being vulnerable.  It's about giving your all but expecting nothing in return. It's about risking your heart to being crushed into millions of pieces. It's about letting your guard down and giving the person you love the power to hurt you.

I know in time, when God thinks I'm ready, a guy will come into my life and change everything I think about love. He will make me believe in love and magic and butterflies and star dusts and fate and happily ever afters again. He will make me be willing to shed tears, sacrifice, spend money, lower my pride, submit myself to him, be totally honest, resist temptations, be exceptionally strong, extend my patience, be vulnerable, give my all, expect nothing, risk my heart to being crushed, let my guard down, and give him the power to hurt me.

When he comes, he'll know he can hurt me, but he'll choose to be right and will never do that. When he comes, I'll finally have my always and forever and I'll be happy with my other half. When he comes, he'll decide to do the same things I'm willing to do for him. When he comes, we'll together decide to love each other every single day.

Hoping, waiting, believing. 
★ Happidezz

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