Friday, September 23, 2011

Happiness #5: 10, 000 views :)

Dear Juliet,

To celebrate this milestone, sing with me! Haha, milestone talaga ito. Salamat sa sampung followers ko! LOL!

I heard this song being sang in one of the many karaoke stalls in my workplace's vicinity. Instantly, it got stuck in my head. I know this is so 2003, but I'm really in love with it.
Why Don't You and I Lyrics

Since the moment I spotted you
Like walking 'round with little wings on my shoes
My stomach's filled with the butterflies
And it's alright
Bouncing round from cloud to cloud
I got the feelin' like I'm never gonna come down
If I said I didn't like it then you know I'd lied

*Every time I try to talk to you
I get tongue-tied
Turns out, everything I say to you
Comes out wrong and never comes out right

So I'll say why don't you and I get together
And take on the world, be together forever
Heads we will and tails we'll try again
So I say why don't you and I hold each other,
Fly to the moon and straight onto heaven
Cause without you they're never gonna let me in

When's this fever gonna break?
I think I've handled more than any man can take
I'm like a love-sick puppy chasing you around
And it's alright
Bouncin' round from cloud to cloud
I got the feeling like I'm never gonna come down
If I said I didn't like it then you know I'd lied
Slowly I begin to realize this is never gonna end
But about the same time you walk by
And I say oh here we go again, oh

(Repeat *)

Hoping, waiting, believing.
★ Happidezz

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Random and Chopsuey

Dear Juliet,

I have so much stuff in my mind. I have to write these down now, or else, I'm gonna forget these.

1. I'm amazed at how far a person would go just to become beautiful. 

Hello, Jinky Pacquiao! It's too bad she has a twin sister. People has basis for comparison. They'll know which parts of her face are not real.

And it's not just Jinky Pacquiao who's obsessed with achieving "beauty." I have this gym mate who'll do what it takes just to prove an aunt who called her "pangit" in the past that she can be beautiful. In her pursuit of beauty, she had her nose done--a painful ordeal she had to pay for P35thousand. Then, she enrolled to the gym and hired a personal trainer because she wants to be sexy. And to be sexy, she takes pills (Relacore) whose side effects are now becoming apparent. I Googled the pill and found out that aside from reducing the appetite, it also weakens the muscles. Now, this gym mate complains of tired muscles after just a few minutes on the treadmill. Yes, she loses weight fast because of the pills, but her trunk is way bigger than her thinning extremities. That's another side effect. 

She also injects herself with fat-burning thingamajigs. She mentioned to me once that she had something injected in her chin to burn the fats there. And I don't know how true this is, but she also injects herself with L-carnitine.

This gym mate won't stop with a nose job, regular exercise, and some injectibles. She also plans to get a new chin. Yes, that's right. Another surgery in the near future. And a while ago, she kept mentioning something about a mesolight procedure, which apparently, is like non-invasive liposuction. It only it uses laser, I guess.

So there--all those just to be "beautiful." I feel sad that she has to undergo all these; that she wants to undergo all these, because to me, all these things are tantamount to torture. I mean, the procedures and medicines have effects (both positive and negative) on the body. Though I'll be thinner, I wouldn't risk the well-being of my muscles. (Haha. Well-being talaga?) I wouldn't risk my health. I wouldn't risk my body's condition. I wouldn't box myself in a life that revolves around diet pills, injectibles, surgery, and zero appetite. Aba, ang sarap kumain, noh!

I'm aware that for my gym mate, these are not self-inflicted tortures. I know she wants this and that she's willing to spend a lot to achieve her goals. I understand that she wants to prove something. It's just that, I don't see the practicality in it. Would you really have to go that far? I don't know. Maybe it's just the DUKHA in me that screams, "Atey, ikaw na ang mayaman! Pero napaka impratical lang kasi ng mga pinagkakagastusan mo. Partida, ang ikaw na nga yung nagbayad, ikaw pa yung nasaktan at nabigyan ng negative side-effects."

Oh well, desisyon nya naman yan. Wika nga nila: Live and let live. Ikaw, what do you think? Can beauty be achieved the unnatural way?

2. I'm amazed at how far a 13 year-old would go for love.
SM Pampanga shooting: SAD! 13y/o lang yung shooter! Tsk. When I was 13, my problems were only about homework and overprotective parents.
That's my 774th tweet. Sigh. The ending of this young love, gay love is really a tragedy. Two dead male teenagers, both shot in the head. Reports say that the 13-year-old boy shot his 16-year-old lover first and then himself.

In a suicide note written by the shooter, he said: "I’m willing to die together with [name of his lover]... I’m happy to kill you. No one else would own you."

Honestly, during my darkest times, I once told myself that if murder were not punishable by law, I'd be happy to kill my ex. But no, I never imagined being happy to die with him. Siya na lang mag-isa, noh!

God. What is happening to the world? These are teenagers! How deep can their concept of love be? How depressing can their depression get? I mean, I've been there, but never did I come up of a plan that morbid and more importantly, never did I actually execute anything self-destructing (self-destructing, meaning actually harming myself deliberately and causing myself physical pain). It's sad. Really sad.

I'm thinking the case of these boys are not the same as mine. Maybe theirs is more complicated given that such a relationship is not yet fully accepted by society; such a relationship is even harder to maintain and handle. Plus, I would never know the workings of a gay person's mind and emotions. Maybe they are more passionate, more possessive, and more irrational when it comes to love. I would never know.

I really hope kids these days can just act as normal kids. With normal, I mean just being at school, doing homework, obeying their elders, maintaining their innocence, being afraid of their parent's wrath once they commit grave mistakes. You know, I wish they could be just the kind of kids who are not in a rush to grow up; kids who have young yet healthy thoughts, spirits, hearts.

Oh no. Now I feel so old.

Hoping, waiting, believing.
★ Happidezz

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Meta-blogging: Of Recontextualization and Self-Identity

Dear Juliet,

My report last Tuesday was about Personal Web Pages and the Semiotic Constructions of Academic Identities. Basically, Carmen Rosa Caldas-Coulthard's paper says that "webbers" aka bloggers/netizens reconstruct themselves so that the identities they post online are only hybrids of their offline identities and their online identities, or only extensions of their offline identities. What we post online are not exactly what or who we are offline. This is because recontextualization happens every time we talk about personal experiences and social practices. When we recontextualize, we also construct a new reality, a new social practice, a new experience, a new perception of the self. In as much as we try to narrate an experience as objectively as possible, we can't. There is recontextualization in almost everything. (For example, a wedding is a social practice. It is a personal experience. When it is video-recorded, the recording becomes a mere recontextualization of the wedding. It may talk about the same wedding, but it is not how another person exactly experienced the wedding. It's also not the same wedding the person who recorded it experienced. Somehow, there is something that's disregarded/downplayed in the video-recording as compared to the recorder's actual experience. Gets?)

Given this premise, self-identities then, are not fixed and are not something we are born with. Self-identity is reflexively made or constructed. We tell who we are based on the way we see ourselves and based on the way we want others to see us. One's narratives in his/her blog say a lot about his/her identity. But, we also have to remember that what are narrated in blogs are based on the webber's prerogatives. These narratives are conveniently screened, chosen, and recontextualized to fit a virtual context that is the web page. We also have to remember that a web page has an audience, follows a template, and requires the webber to follow certain netiquettes.

Caldas-Coulthard also strongly points out the importance of a multi-modal analysis in studying web pages. According to her, analysts should not be confined only in the language used. There are other modes employed by the webber in his/her pursuit of projecting an image other than the text. If analyses are confined in the text, a lot of considerations are disregarded. The study stops at the computer's edge. Analysts may also consider other modes such as color, layout, images used, URL title, background music, tone of voice for vlogs, videos, etc.

Thus, before one fully presents/displays an identity online, there had been a lot of recontextualizations and mediations that happened first. And so, after my report, I decided to analyze my blog, and here are my observations:

1. I tried to hide behind the alias, Happidezz,but then my Facebook badge revealed my name. So that's one concrete example of not being able to maintain a purely online identity.

2. I use humor and self-deprecation. Yes. To avoid disapprovals from friends and readers, I make fun of myself and drop jokes to address issues subtly and lightly. I bully myself. I highlight my faults and weaknesses. That way, nosy people wouldn't have to rub my faults to my face. I already know, bitches!

3. I am happidezz because I want to prove the world that I can be happy despite what I had gone through. If you're a friend, or a reader since September 2010, you know what I mean.

4. I project an image that's not so serious, not so studious, not so industrious. I'm a dilly-dallier. I seem to not take life seriously. My posts are actually dense and do not have any social significance. Haha!

5. I am so full of myself because even in this entry about meta-blogging, I've decided to analyze my own blog. HAHAHA!

Hoping, waiting, believing.
★ Happidezz

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Happiness #4: Good Luck Is on Its Way

Dear Juliet,

I woke up at 3am. No, I asked my sister to wake me up at 3am. She succeeded because she has this uniquely annoying way of waking me up. I hate being kalabit over and over, and she did just exactly that. So I woke up annoyed at 3am.

The annoyance subsided when I read her note on Facebook. It says:
Badluck Comes in Threes
     According to my sister dear Debra Jane, bad luck comes in three's (3).. i think she's right.. how? take a look at this:
     In September 2009, typhoon Ondoy hit our home in Marikina and left us nothing but few dry clothes.
     In September 2010, she (my dear sister) broke up with her ex which left her devastated affecting not only her and her work but also us (mama and I).
    And this September 2011, well, my fate at work turned to the opposite direction leading me back to Zero.
    Since we already experienced 3 bad lucks, she believes that the next thing to happen will be good luck. And that's what I'm holding on to right now. that my luck will come my way and will help me and my family go through our lives again.. it's good to have something to believe in specially at the lowest point of your life.. right? :D
Yes, I believe good luck is on its way. My sister's unjust termination at work will be the last "September tragedy" and things will be better.

Hoping, waiting, believing.
★ Happidezz

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Happiness #3: My Longer Locks

Dear Juliet,

I remember complaining about my Mon Confiado-like hair last year. I had it cut because my metaphor for moving on; for a new life is a new hair style. Lame, right? I really regretted that impulsive decision.

Now, it's longer and I'm so glad! I don't know what to do with it, though. The upper half of my hair is wavy/curly (that's my natural hair) while the lower half is rebonded. Imagine the irony. It's an awful sight, really. But I no longer want it straightened over and over again. The hair becomes too damaged. Plus, it's such a hassle needing to go to the salon every 4 months to have it rebonded when the curly hair starts to grow.

This time, I decided I'll grow my natural hair. Unfortunately, it looks unkempt since I'm not one who brushes her hair every time. I also don't use products on my hair; just shampoo, and conditioner once in a while. Haha, yeah, I'm like a guy that way. (I also don't like using lotion. I'm also not fond of wearing cologne and perfume.)

Perhaps, when it grows even longer, my natural hair will look better. For now, I guess I'll have to bear wearing ponytails every day.Or I could have the lower half curled. We'll see :)

Hoping, waiting, believing.
★ Happidezz

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Happiness #2: Gym

Dear Juliet,

I've said it before; I'm going to say it again. The gym is really an interesting place! This little gym I go to makes my life colorful and bearable. How? Let me count the ways.
1. Exercise increases endorphins (happy hormones), natural pain killers, and cortisol (a stress hormone). When in great stress, GYM. That's my new mantra. Haha.

2. Gym friends. It's so great to work out with friends. It makes me more energized. Plus, these new friends of mine are really fun to be with. One of them even gave me and another gym friend imported chocolates and soap bars. How's that? Ang taray, di ba?

3. Kerengkeng moments. Well, these are accounts of my gym friends. There's this guy DAW who asked the instructor: "Anong pangalan nung sexy? Yung maganda." He's referring to me. Ahem, ahem. Hahahaha. And of course, ang daming boys dun! Madaming nanlalandi. Yun lang, you can't be sure if they're straight or what.
4. Yoga. Hiphop and Latin dances. Taebo. I love group exercises! Basta, I love to dance. Wa pakels kung pinapanood kami nung mga lalake. Wa pakels kung mukhang akong engot. Basta ang alam ko, magaling ako sumayaw at naeenjoy ko talaga makisabay sa grooves ng mga ateng at mommy-lola na gym mates ko.
5. Pumayat na raw ako! Pocha. This is it! I'm so happy. All the muscle pains, all the buckets of sweat, all the late night workouts--all those have paid off! Kebs na kung di ko maabutang bukas ang SM after gym. Basta di na ako mataba, that's good enough for me. Obrigada! Haha.
6. After working out, I always get a good night's sleep. Bagsak sa pagod. Haha.
7. Sando Boy ♥ ♥ ♥ Enough said. I know his name already! Waaaaah. *nangisay sa kilig*

Hoping, waiting, believing.
★ Happidezz

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Happiness #1

Dear Juliet,

I've blogged before that Septembers bring bitter memories in my life. In September 2009, super typhoon Ondoy happened. In September 2010, my heart got broken. This September, so far, I've got nothing but happy stuff to celebrate and I pray to the good Lord it stays that way.

Happy stuff #1: 
Meet Baby Yuan Miguel "Micos" C. Tañedo.
He is Hallu baby number 2. First born of Mimai and Mike.

Mike was so sweet when he told the nurse, "Pwedeng makita si Baby Boy Tañedo ng mga NINANG niya?" And when we were shown Micos, all we were able to utter was a chorus of "Aaaww." He is so adorable!

Mommy Mimai, Dez, Florence, and Noreen ♥

More happy stuff to follow! I just don't have the time and SIPAG to write lately, but I promise, I'll write about more happy stuff soon. For now, let me quote Sara Bareilles, "So many things I'd say if only I were able..."

Hoping, waiting, believing.
★ Happidezz